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Mambers's blog: "My little world"

created on 04/17/2007  |  http://fubar.com/my-little-world/b74571

Changes....

Where to begin.... I made one decesion out of hurt and anger, and simply being tired of bullshit, wich completly changed my life. I broke up with Mike, and called my best friend Ashley, and she came and got me and the kids, and took us to Arkansas where she lives in Springdale. I was there a little over 2 weeks, and needed to get back to Topeka to deal with 1 of two tickets, so I got one sorta delt with, still have more with that one, and my other ticket is due the 25th. So im up here with Mike, and NO, WE ARE NOT BACK TOGATHER! But he is trying to help i think....but he goes through moments where hes rude, mean, and hatefull. I know because hes hurt, and he has alot of stuff going on too, stuff that has nothing to do with me. Not that its a excuse, because their is none. I know with no doubt, that Mike will pay whatever I need paid, and get stuff taken care of that I wouldnt have a chance at if I went back to Arkansas right now. And dont think im taking advantage of him, because he is well aware that im not staying with him, nor did I ask him to help me, he offered. But its really hard to start over when your still in the past, so honestly im not sure if this is where I should be or not. But in the mix in all this mess, while I was in Arkansas I was a complete mess, and things just kept getting worse and worse.....so I called the kids dad, and had him come get them. But he had shit happen, and called me sayin his eletric was shut off, and he didnt know what to do. So I called my x-sister inlaw, who lives in the same town as Roger, and she went and got them. Then turned around and ask me to sign over guardianship. Of coarse i told her HELL NO, and while I appreciate her taking care of MY babies, I am now constiantly worried that shes going to pull some shit, to try and keep the kids. If you knew her, youd understand, shes tried taking her sisters kids, and fucked alot of her family over. But I didnt know where else to turn at that time, and I did the best I could. Now as much as I woudl like to just go get the kids, I feel its best that she finish out the school year there, instead of moving anywhere else. But the kids dad is still working on getting his shit togather, and it may be a little bit before hes able to get the things taken care of that he needs too. And I will be honest..I NEED him to take care of the kids for a minute, I have to get myself in a position so I am able to provide for them, and be mentally ok again. Not to mention I need to get my car fixed, and these tickets taken care of, and get moved. Wich all of that obviously takes money, wich means I need a job. If I went back to Arkansas right now, Id be working at a motel, to pay for a place to stay, and have to get another job, so I have money for living daily, and get other things taken care of. Would litterally be working from 8 Am to 10 Pm, if not later. Personally.... that sounds a tad crazy to me. But anywhos....I miss my kids like crazy!!! Not to mention Aydns birthday is the 28th, and I probably wont even get to see him, let alone have a party for him, or get him a present. Looks like I wont be winning the mother of the year award. But honestly, Im doing the best I can with everything I have on my plate right now. But if anyone has any ideas, or advise, im open ears. ~~~Amber Dawn
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