One thing in life that is always a constant is change. I know change is painful..and most times helps us grow...maybe I am afraid of the unknown..the changes in front of me. I know this change will end up being good. I know my entire living situation, income, lifestyle will change for the better but OMG the place I am in right now is so turbulent..unsettled..and i find myself trying to be the best I can with wanting to just sob. I moved from the place I was at for 4 years suddenly. April 15th we had to be out. My 12 year old and I are alone in Jersey. She does have her father..him and I are not friends.I drew upon people who love me unconditionally. I had about 20 people help me move the entire house to the trash and storage. After 40 years of living I am reduced to a 10x15 storage unit. I realized it is all just "stuff". A friend and her husband said we could stay with them until the other place opens up in May. Right now I am writing this from a friends basement. I have been here a day and they have completely spoiled me. I had to finish the move yesterday and clean the house because it was the right thing to do. Animals had gotten at some of the trash and we had a Nor'Eastern here in Jersey..so I was in the pouring raing in mud cleaning up trash..sinking...cold and wet. Another little "BONUS" to the weekend is Saturday I LOST MY WALLET during moving.
When all else failed..I just looked up and knew it was all going to change. I know I am so sexual and sensual it makes some men (and women) crazy...but deep down I have a heart of gold. I just know it is all going to be better...it has to be. I feel this horrible pain..I know I seem so dramatic but fucking come on...enough! I have sucked shit for so long I have to stop and move forward.Things will be better I have to keep telling myself that..thanks everyone for being good friends to me.
~D~
