CATHOLIC KIDS - HILARIOUS!!! Blog by DOVE
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 Catholic Kids - hilarious!!!

Can you  imagine yourself to be the nun sitting at her  desk grading these papers all the while trying  to keep a straight face and maintain her  composure!


PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.  IF YOU ARE EVEN REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH HOLY  scriptURE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES  FROM A ROMAN CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.  KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW  TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE  BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT  BEEN RE-TOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPEL  LING HAS BEEN LEFT  IN.


1. IN THE  FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT  TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE  SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM  AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S  WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT  AND ARK AND  THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN  PEARS.

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY,  BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE  NIGHT.


4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT  HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC  GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON  WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIM SELF BE LED ASTRAY  BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON  SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE  APOSTLES.

7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO  THE RED SEA WHERE  THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD  WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.  AFTER WARDS, MOSES WENT UP  TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO  GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE  FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT  THE APPLE.

10. THE  SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT  ADULTERY.

11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER  REACHED CANADA .  THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN  THE BATTLE OF  GERITOL ..

12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA  TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED  HIM.

13. DAVID  WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE  LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF  PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND  700 PORCUPINES.

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE  SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE  ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE  MANAGER.

17. JESUS  WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE  CONTRAPTION.

18. ST.  JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED  WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO  DO UNTO OTHERS BE FORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE  ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT  ALONE..

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD  AND MANAGED TO GET  THETOMBSTONE OFF THE  ENTRANCE.

21. THE  PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12  DECIBELS.

22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE A  POSTLES.

23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS  ALSO A TAXIMAN.


24. ST.  PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY,  HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER   NAME   FOR   MARRAIGE.    

25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY.

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