carlos en fuego's blog: "Carlos' Romantic and Sexy Writing"

I just new there was some kinda training going on... Women's Rules For Women on Dealing With Men 1.Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2.Be ambigious. Always. 3.Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. 4.Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or weeks ago. Get mad when they don't remember. 5.Make them apologize for everything. 6.Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. 7.Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. 8.Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them. Smile. 9.Look them in the eye and start laughing. 10.Cry. 11.Get mad at them for everything. 12.Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. 13.Hold grudges. 14.Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. 15.When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. 16.Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess." 17.Be late for everything. Yell if they're late. 18.Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast. 19.Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness. 20.Cry. 21.Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong. 22.Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry. 23.Fall for your FAC. 24.Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud. 25.Correct their grammar. 26.Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer. 27.Leave out the good parts in stories. 28.Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble. 29.Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing. 30.Cry. 31.Declare that you are not wacko. 32.Criticize the way they dress. 33.Criticize the music they listen to. 34.Criticize their hair. 35.Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them. 36.Try to change them. 37.Try to mold them. 38.Try to get them to dance. 39.Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted. 40.Cry. 41.When they screw up, never let them forget it. 42.Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because. 43.Blame everything on PMS. 44.Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them. 45.Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?" 46.Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch. 47.Read into everything. 48.Over-analyze everything. 49.Cry. 50.Make it your goal to make them cry. and nothing we can do it about it...lol... except go gay I guess... but I'm not that unhappy with the rules... lmao

ok to be fair... I am also putting these up... Women’s Rules for Men I. Primary Rules 1.The female always makes The Rules. 2.The Rules are subject to change without prior notification. 3.No male can possibly know all The Rules. 4.If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules. 5.The female is never wrong. 6.If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong. 7.If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 8.The female may change her mind at any time. 9.The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female. 10.The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time. 11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12.The male is expected to mind read at all times. 13.The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp. 14.Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm. 15.If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void. 16.The female is ready when she is ready. 17.The male must be ready at all times. II. Secondary Rules 1.Call 2.Don't lie. 3.Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. 4.If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. 5.The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes" and a pause is not good either. 6.Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. 7.A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. 8.None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed . 9.If her cooking is excellent, it still isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking unless you’re okay with being stuck with the dishes 10.Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. 11.Two words: clean socks. 12.Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. 13.Burping is not sexy. 14.You're wrong. 15.Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it 16.She is not impressed by your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. 17.Flowers are always good… unless you did something wrong then we need diamonds. 18."Will you marry me?" is good but better have a ring to go with that. "Let's shack up together" is bad. 19.Don't assume PMS is the cause for anything. 20.No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. 21.Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. 22.Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. 23.Don't say “I love you” during sex or immediately after. Otherwise, say it often. 24.Think boxers….silk boxers. 25.Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she comes up with. 26.Don't try to change the way she dresses. 27.Her haircut is never bad. 28.Don't let your friends pick on her or ask her for a beer from the fridge. 29.Call. 30.Don't lie. (just to name a few...lol)

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1.Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1.Crying is blackmail. 1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1."Yes' and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1.Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. And its okay. 1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant... the other one! You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1.Whenever possible... Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1.Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1.ALL men see in only 16 colors...like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is. 1.If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that. 1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY 1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf. 1.You have enough clothes. 1.You have too many shoes. 1.I am in shape... Round IS a shape! 1. We DO have a one track mind... It IS the right track though. 1.Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But, did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. (I cannot take credit for writing these but its so true)

1. Rebound Guy Knowing how bummed I’ve been since my ex Claudia left for Europe, my buddy tried to set me up with his “hot coworker.” Very kind of him, but I declined. With my heart stuck in international customs, there’s no way I could make a connection. Not that I wasn’t tempted. We men secretly hope we’ll never have to deal with our feelings and instead can “fix” our sadness with a new woman. Problem is, we’re always comparing her to the ex—how she is in bed, how her butt looks in jeans. Real mature stuff that you’d be wise to avoid by dating us after we’ve healed. 2. Disappearing Guy Some seemingly normal guys have a bad habit of vanishing. Excuses like “work’s really busy” may be true, but there’s often something else going on. My old roommate tried to woo his new girlfriend while still dating his old one. I also know someone who told a woman he was single in New York, although he was married in Ohio. Both guys checked out for days at a time. When you’re just starting to date, it’s not like you’re tracking a person’s every movement. Still, the giveaway is erratic contact—is he in touch every day and then suddenly MIA? Does he often cancel plans? Or does he suddenly want to meet up in an hour, after not calling all week? Beware. 5 secrets all guys keep from you! 3. Slick Guy With his sporty car, high-tech cell phone and Swedish designer toothbrush, my college roommate managed to hide his insecurity behind hip stuff. He never let women get close for fear they’d find him out. So women wound up feeling rejected when he was the one who sucked. My advice: If his life looks like a magazine spread, steer clear. Say what you will about the guy who has a painting of poker-playing dogs or a mountain of laundry, but I promise you this: He’s real. 4. Rude Guy I’m amazed at what men get away with. A partial list of nasty moves I’ve witnessed: checking out the waitress, fiddling with a BlackBerry during dinner, asking the cute bartender for her number when his date is in the bathroom. If a man lets the door slam shut instead of opening it for you, make that all the closure you need. 5. Grabby Guy Hands on thighs, stroking things that didn’t ask to be stroked, sexual innuendos when you barely know each other—he may try to explain these things with an “Oh, I’m so attracted to you I can’t help it” line. But no matter how smokin’ hot you are, he can help it. And if you’re not getting the respect you want early on, he probably won’t surprise you with it later. (I didn't write this)

Slushy Whiskey Sour Makes 7 drinks per recipe below. You make it ahead and freeze it the night before. I put one batch in a gallon freezer zip-lock bags. 5 cups 7-Up soda 1 ¼ cup Whisky/Bourbon (I used Crown Royal) 4 oz. (1/2 cup, 1/3 can) thawed orange juice concentrate, undiluted 6 oz. (1/2 can) thawed lemonade concentrate, undiluted 6 tablespoon lemon juice Combine all ingredients. Place in the freezer bag, seal and freeze at least night before. Take out of freezer 30 min before serving. Serve when slushy. I recommend a ladle for serving.