Over 16,514,331 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?

FYI

America, I am on here more and more! And I just wanted to let you all know, that if you need help, either by rates, reposting bulletins, promoting something, and all that other stuff, please let me know. I will try to do the rates when it is most beneficial for us both, but I'm off and on, so you may just get regular ol' rates. If that isn't good onough, then don't ask. I will rate strangers pics, because I get the same points either or. Remember...I am a point whore. I prefer point thingys. I will comment bomb on occasion, but sometimes I'm on a computer that is slow, and it is a frustrating process, so I don't usually bomb on that one. I am getting surgery Nov 11th, so I will have time on my hands. I may get my VIP before then, I'm not sure. If someone wants all their pictures hit with 11's, feel free to invest in a VIP for me, and I'll be happy to use all my 11's on you til they're done. The Dr. said that boob salutes are my best chance for a fast recovery, so feel free to do your part for my fast recovery! Jay P.S. You can rate my pics or stash also if you feel the need, I'd appreciate it. But I'm gonna help my way to Godfather, so I want all my friends to get their requests in.

Space Age Technology

Saturday, DJ Elephantcock and Boy 13 rocked a wedding, and as usual, a good time was had by all. DJ Elephantcock was displeased by his performance, but the dance floor was full, the bride thanked him for making it a special night, and we got paid...so SUCCESS. And it was a struggle, I'll admit it. No internet access, the WiFi couldn't connect where we were. Luckily we brought the case o' CD's, which saved us for an important dance. The portable hard drive had some files go corrupted, so of course it was the files we needed. We also went as far to run to Wal Mart to get some cd's, because they insisted on certain songs. Well, the groom did. I haven't decided yet if he's an amateur DJ, and knew it all, or just wanted it perfect for his new wife. I'm leaning towards the first. But even through all that, we had time to make a scientific discovery that may save mankind. I'd like to say that out of 6 bridesmaids, 3 were D-tacularly endowed. And of the 3, two were mainstays on the dancefloor. Of the two, one had rhythm, and the other was listening to her own music, I'm guessing some early 80's new wave. So her dancing consisted of bouncing, hopping, shaking, and shimmying. I'd like to thank her for that. I have NEVER seen a set of titties get a workout like that. Left, right, up, down, clockwise, counterclockwise...every which way you can imagine. So DJ Elephantcock and I had visions of them popping out of the dress. Low cut, strapless, crappy material...there was no WAY we weren't going to see them. But alas, we were wrong. Somebody has invented something, and I'm not sure what, that kept the dress adhered to them, so that they didn't pop out. Damn close, lots of pulling the dress up, but nothing. But the DJ and I figured that if whatever it was could keep them hidden, it could definitely keep solar panels on space stations no problem. I curse the inventor!

Thoughts on Vicodin

The Verne Troyer sex tape has been settled, and surprise surprise, it's gonna get distributed. He has been in litigation with everyone from the ex girlfriend, to TMZ, to no avail. I'm not surprised that it will be distributed. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee's tape did, and they were actually big stars at the time, and it was admitted to being stolen by a worker. If that got out, and I'm sure a hefty sum was paid to them, then why not Verne's? I've seen a PG 13 clip of the tape, and it's disturbing. I've also heard some audio, and it is downright weird. It sounds like a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz being molested. Do you know what that adds up to? That's right, a must see porno! The much rumored porn of Colin Farrel and a lady friend has surfaced again, and it is believed that it also might be released. This first appeared around two years ago, and apparantly Mr Farrell has great lawyers, because he had it sucessfully blocked. But now its kicking around that it might still be released. Two blonde bombshells have rumored tapes floating around. Of course, the beautiful Brittney Spears has had the rumor going that her and K Fed made one. I don't care if she made one with Verne Troyer, I'd watch it. Reports have also come out that people close to her are worried that she is a sex addict. As a man, I sure hope so! But these same people, not her family, also watched her put her career and life in the crapper, so why are they worried now. The second blonde bombshell to have a rumored tape is Jessica Simpson. I'd watch it, but she doesn't do it for me. But I am not shocked that she has a tape floating around. Bam Margera's ex gf, on a radio show ripping him, mentioned that he and Jessica had sex. And that her and Johnny Knoxville had also had sex. It seems like the new thing to do, when you career is waning, is to have a home sex tape released. And pretend to be offended. Or just laugh it off like Paris Hilton, and pretend its no big deal, so it goes away quicker. With that in mind, here are a few stars that I hope NEVER feel so bad that they are forced to release one. Rosie O'Donnel...I love lesbian porn, but even I have my limits. Tyra Banks...it would obviously be of her masturbating, because who loves Tyra more than Tyra? Jack Nicholson...I know, he's beddded tons of beauties in his time, but who the hell wants to see his wrinkly ass. He's proof that women will suck any cock if it has enough power or fame behind it. Kathy Bates...she did a nude scene, and it was disturbing, yet brave on her part at the same time. Lets say I saw enough of her there. The Olsen Twins...I'm happy that they have a Gazillion dollars, so that they'll never use this ploy to jumpstart their career. If you combined the weight of the two of them, you get a real woman. Thats all I have for today. Have a great one everybody who reads this!

Butchie and the Booby Bar

Friday night, I got a call from my friend Butchie, to see if I wanted to stop by. He had a party raided the week before, and a fridge full of booze, and needed help draining it. Being the fine Christian I am, I went to help him out. He told me that he was behaving, because the week before he was arrested, and had decided to keep a low profile in our small town. And it worked, for about an hour. By then, Butchie was pretty antsy. We were watching the first season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and by the end of the second episode, Butchie was ready to go somewhere else. So with $15 dollars in my pocket, we headed to the Coppertop in Cedar Point. He knew everyone there, and had hopes of using his charm to seduce the bartender. He gambled on two machines, lost a few bucks, struck out with the bartender, and also struck out with a blonde that was there, that he had his eye on for awhile. He did turn down the offer of getting hooked up with what he deemed "the fat friend", and introduced me to the guy he almost killed wrestling around with at his house, and accidentally cut an artery in his arm. We had a few beers, and Butchie decided that "he was tired of spending money on bitchs that he won't see naked", and decided we needed to go to the LampLighter. So since nobody else wanted to go, away we went. For the record, Butchie would have been much better off taking the offer of getting hooked up with "the fat friend". She was a bigger girl, who had a really cute face, and great big titties. So off to the Booby Bar. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I had hoped Butchie would pass out on the way. I was getting run down, and he was drunk to the point that it was becoming work keeping an eye on him. I'm assuming that stupid things will happen to Butchie because he's drunk, but I'll be God damned if its happening on my watch. So we get to the Double L, and pay $5 to get in, and immediately Butchie goes to the first girl we see, and tells her she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. If you've never been to the Lampliter, then shame on you. It is a landmark in the area. And a family friend owns it. It's dark, dirty, and every time I walk in there, its like I'm walking back into the 70's because of the decor. BUT, I've never went there and not had fun, and this night was not the exception. The Lampliter is also the place of the 75% stripper. By that, I mean that 75% of the stripper is hot, but there is a 25% flaw keeping her from dancing at a more high profile club. There were two that were a few years past working at a premier club. One was right on the edge, but she was a little skinny, and her boobs were too small to hit the big time. Three were younger, but the one needed to lose about 15 pounds, the other one needed to do some toning, and the third was naturally curvy, and could have used a little of both, but had a great personality. So now, I have $10, and Butchie is around $200. We got there at midnite. By the time we left, at 245, I had $5 left, and Butchie was trying to get me to get money from the ATM, because he was broke. But in that time, He got two lap dances from the beautiful Melissa. She was the one who had no enthusiasm on stage, and could have lost 15 pounds, but the girl had mad moves when interested At the end of the night, when Butchie yelled "Who Rocks?" everyone in the place yelled "Butchie!" I saw him offer two of the girls "a good life", because Butchie is "set up". I know this, because he called me over both times to confirm that his family was well off, which I did. I watched Butchie drink even more, take a pill for his anxiety attacks, and stumble around the bar. He did talk an old man, who was there allegedly for his first time, into buying him a pitcher of beer. I watched him give the interpretive dancers bills in new and creative ways. He motorboated more than a few of the girls. I saw him out a bill between his teeth, shove his face between a girls legs, and come up dollarless. We then left during the last dancer, and Butchie peed by the truck, and got in, and passed out. Every 5 minutes or so, he'd wake up, and yell something from "Jumanji", to "I'm hungry". I was going to slip past McDonalds, but he awakened from his stupor to insist we go eat at McDonalds. Simply amazing. So I leave him in my Smurfmobile, and go to get him food. It was breakfast time, so Sausage McMuffins it was, and a water. When I got to the truck, Butchie was passed out across the front seat of the truck, his face resting where my ass should go. I tried rousing him, and for 5 minutes he didn't get the concept of me sitting there and driving. Finally he understood that we were in the truck, and I couldn't drive with him sitting there. He then rolled down his window, stuck his head out of it, and passed out. He did rouse to eat McMuffin. We drove home. When we did, I opened my door, to see the sausage and muffin half of the McMuffin sitting on his belly. I grabbed that, walked him to the house, while he proceeded to eat the rest of the McMuffin. I got him to the hallway of his house, he said he was fine, and I closed the door behind me. I did happen to catch him stumble down the hall, and fall when he ran out of wall. His leg moved, so I know he was alive, success for the night. The next day, around 11ish I get a call from Butchie. Apparantly, somewhere in the process of the evening, he had lost a fake tooth that he had. He wondered if it was in the truck. I said maybe you swallowed it when you ate McDonalds. He said..."When did we go to McDonalds?"
Yesterday, I got to take off work, so I could go to court with my son. He was accused of being with the wrong people, at the wrong place, with the wrong thing in his pocket. He was already guilty of being stupid. But he was looking at both trespassing and possession of marijuana charges. In fact...he was guilty. His "friends" and he were caught in a field entrance, passing a joint. He willingly gave up his baggie full of goodies, even though they weren't smoking his stash. This proved to be the smartest thing he did that night. So we wait in court, and watch the first bunch of cases go through. If you've never gone to court, you are missing out. I've gone a few times, innocent every time of course, and I love it. The one thing that I am amazed, is that the older I get, the more casual it gets. My lawyer, every time, has told me to make sure that I dress up some. The first guy was there for child support. He was in shorts, and a cut off, sleeveless t shirt. The second was a large lady, loud, and she was wearing a mini skirt, sort of frilly. Yuck! The third was there ffor a divorce, in jeans and a Motle Crue t shirt. And so on... The judge was a different one. We're in such asmall county, that court is held one day a week. Thats right, one day a week. So the docket is loaded usually, but we lucked out, and 45 minutes in, we were up there, with one of the other kids Dem was arrested with. We went over the case, and the State's Attorney recommended a fine, and something called ARM, which is a program over a weekend for drug and alcohol offenders. It would be $300, and he'd be there 3 days. The judge looked at Dem and his friend, then asked my ex and I if we took off work to be there, which we had. He asked what we have done since his arrest. I jokingly told him he's been on unofficial house arrest since then, just going to his mom's, or grandma's, and not being left alone. He was able to work, and go to school. The judge then stunned us, gave Dem 6 months supervision, and if he doesn't get arrested, its off his rocord. No fines, just court costs. We then thanked him, he dismissed us, and we went and paid the court costs. Myself, I was surprised. I fully expected some sort of fine. I would have begged for the chance to remove it from his rocord, but the judge took care of that. I also would have been happy with community service. So Dem got lucky. Before he left, he told Dem and his friend that everybody deserves a second chance, so don't blow it. I hope he listens to him better than he does me .

Random Chicanory

Lately, I've actually felt better, so I've been working on a project. My wife found an old bed frame, so we've been painting it for the boy, so he can get rid of his bunk beds. It wasn't in the best shape, but we sanded it down some, and primered it, and then the quest for a color. We decided on a metallic purple. Actually he did. I was all for it, my wife didn't like it, but it's his bed, so why not. I told her he could always repaint it if he didnt like it. I have the bed 3/4 of the way painted, and it looks great. It feels good to be semi productive, and actually be able to do something around the house. My greed has screwed me. This fine, long holiday weekend, I'm stuck working. I tend bar Saturday, which will be good. It's a huge wedding, so the tip potential is good. Here's hoping it is anyway. Sunday, I agreed to help a friend DJ. No, I will not become DJ13. I am basically helping him set up, being his gofer during the wedding, and helping him tear down. I thought it would be a few hours at most. 13 hours is my estimate. And for my cut...It really isn't worth it. But he is my friend, and was in a pinch, so I'm there. Now onto other thoughts and whatnot. A 9 year old boy was banned from his little league, because he throws too hard, and the other kids can't hit his pitching. He threw the ball fast, was accurate, the other little kids just couldn't hit it. So the "league administrators" decided since he was ruining the other little kids self esteem, they banned him and his team from playing. Congratulations to the league for sending the message to the kids that when life gets too hard, don't try harder, somebody will take care of it for you. Whats worse, the little boy made a statement apologizing for ruining the fun of his teammates and the other kids in the league. When I was a boy, we had a kid in the league who was the same way. He was my friend, so at the fair, we'd go to the pitch game, and he would hit 80 on the speed gun. He was 11. He threw sidearm. He was scary. He gave up two runs all season long. BUT.. he couldn't pitch every day, so their team did lose some. They were good anyway, so they won the league, but they never thought to kick him out. It has now come out that all permits to protest at the Olympics were either denied, or never gotten to to approve them. In fact, two Chinese elderly women got year long prison sentences, when they applied. They were put under house arrest while the Olympics were going on. Nice choice IOC. I can't wait for the Iraqi games. Victor Conte was in the news, saying that the IOC should look into the Jamaican success in the sprints, because they were a big user of his products and science. I'm sure a few years from now, they'll get around to it. And then strip them of medals that. If anyone would know who's on the juice, it would be him, get on it now. Hillary has thrown herself behind Obama, telling her troops to rally behind him, that "we're all on the same team". As a McCain supporter, I am hoping that the Clinton's still have another sneaky trick up their sleeve, to blow it for Obama. If I know the Clinton's, they are secretly supporting McCain. Why, because if we elect Obama, he'll be there for 8 years, and by then, Hillary and Bill will all but be forgotten. Four years, not so much, and she could say Obama didn't get it done, and push herself into the Democratic nomination. Oprah claims that she's tired of being on the cover of "O" magazine every month. Not nearly as tired as I am of seeing her. Avril Levigne, the self proclaimed "face of punk", has a clothing line sold in Kohl's. Could you imagine them approaching Johnne Rotten ne Lydon, and asking him to come up with a clothing line for JC Penney's in his time? It's official, punk is dead as we know it.

My mom's birthday

My Mom turns an undisclosed age today, and we've invited her over for dinner. We have a few small things for her. Some sugar free chocolate, some movies, and some other things my wife bought, that I can't remember. But that isn't enough, but she is impossible to shop for. All she does is bowls, work, and bitch and nag. She doesn't cook, but I don't want to get her gift certificates to eat out. She likes to read, but she reads everything, so she probably has it. She wants a shepherd's hook for her yard, so I'll get her that, but what else? I suppose I could get her an outfit or two. It has to be bright, gaudy, and if flamingo's are on it, it's a bonus. I don't bother getting her things for the house, because she's never there. And if you get her candles, chances are you get them back for Christmas as a gift from her. She forgets who gives them to her, and regifts them...usually to us. I've got her every CD that she could possibly want. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Motown...all ov her favorites. I got her Ray Charles great hits, and every time we go somewhere with her, we have to listen to it. I am so sick of "Georgia" But I've been racking my brains for weeks to figure out what to get her, and have no clue. She'll be at the house in about 3 hours, so I need to step up, and find something. Maybe a puppy...

Weekly Reader

It's been a busy week folks, and even though it seems like I have alot to talk about, I'll probably get bored and cut it short...damn ADD. A group of Georgia hunters claim to have found a body of Bigfoot. They have pictures, and have the body in a freezer. Next they will supposedly bring out DNA evidence. Okay, I'll say it...why is it always in the south? And my next question, in the thousands of years man has been on earth, why is it the Yeti, Bigfoot, and Tooth Fairy are the only creatures in existance who can die, but right before doing so, hide their body and skeleton's so well, nobody has ever found them? The creepiest dad on TV, Hulk Hogan, one a lawsuit against his ex wife, being released from paying for half of a condo they had discussed buying when married. His alimony has also been reduced. His lawyer had the nerve to say that the condo issue proved that Linda was more worried about self gratification than the important issues, like Nick Hogan being in jail. I wonder if it'll make Brooke Know's Best, when the Hulkster is on it each week? Ali Lohan is believed to have gotten breat augmentation. She's 14. Her poor excuse for a mother is being blamed for allowing her to get it. Let me tell you. Before Lindsey went under the knife, she had a huge set of titties for her age. As a breast expert, I can honestly say that I would blame the hormones in the chicken she's eating. I want to know why DCFS hasn't stepped in and taken these kids away from that friggin nut. She is the poorest excuse for a mother on TV. Lynn Spears should kiss her ass every day for taking the attention away from her. I've watched the Lohan show on TV (sadly), and that lady looks like white trash that hit the lottery...oh wait, that's exactly what she is. RIP Bernie Mac. I may not have always agreed with your comedy, but you did have a bunch of funny bits out there. Your show was great, and your movies sucked. But you were a great stand up, and its a shame you were taken too soon. Hopefully your death will give more insight to the disease that you had. Ellen and Portia are getting married. Isn't it great when two crazy kids can meet, fall in love, and have things work out for them? The bride will be wearing a man's tuxedo, with an odd bulge running down the leg. The other bride will be wearing a gown by a famous designer. Seriously though, I really hope that all goes well for these ladies, because they will be under such scrutiny, that the pressure will be incredible. And also so they can rub it into that fat pig Rosie's face that they made it, she didn't. I recently read an article of the Jonas Brothers in Rolling Stone. Why is it every parent of every phenom kid band, is some sort of religious kook? I swear, if I had known Jesus would have gotten the boys to focus on music, and get a re

The Olympics

I'm not into the Olympics, never have been, so I wasn't as excited as alot of people were. But luckily they're not on ESPN, Court TV, The Food Network, or The Travel Channel, so my viewing pleasure was safe. BUT...my wife is. She is glued to the screen. She starts watching as soon as they are on, into what I assume the wee hours. I am asleep, I do not know. But since its on, I find myself getting reeled in more and more. So here are my views so far. Michael Phelps is a freak of nature. He is absolutely incredible. He is the one thing I tried to make sure I watched. Not only is he winning gold, but he is winning each one in world record time. I hope he gets gold in every event, so I can say I actually saw one of the greatest sports feats of all time. I watched the women's beach volleyball. I got sucked into the hype of them being in hardly any clothes. I may be in the minority here, but I wish they'd cover up more. I'm not a fan of tall, lanky women, with no asses. Or volleyball. I like watching the events that I have absolutely no chance of doing myself. Or that aren't lab experiments, so track and field are out. So swimming, which I can barely do, and would probably drown if my life depended on it, and gymnastics hold my attention. I like the weightlifting and boxing too. And I have an odd rooting pattern for gymnastics, because I know nothing about it. I only root for the girls over 18. I don't care what country they are from. The rest all make me feel dirty, because the flexibility is just...Wow. So 18 and over rooting for me. On the men's side, I root American. They were at a disadvantage this year, and the Chinese athletes were incredible, but the dedication to get to where they were, commendable. The most exciting story for me though, was ...I think her name is Daria Torrez, who won gold at 40 years old, in swimming. Not only is she gorgeous, but what an athlete. I've heard her on the radio to, and she's smart and funny also. Being the same age, and eating a donut and drinking a Mt Dew as I type this, her dedication is incredible. And I figured if Michael Phelps swam competitively until that age, he should have approximately 40 medals from the Olympics by then. I think the one event I don't want to see is the men's basketball. We have probably the top 8 players in the world, and the 4th best team. Because American basketball is too much a me me me sport, and the Europeans pass, work, and play team defense together. Sure, the individual skills can beat Angola, but recent history has shown, it can't beat Argentina. Women's softball and basketball are kicking ass and taking names, as is women's soccer. I've watched alot of softball this year on ESPN, I'm not sure why. I blame Cyndi, her daughter plays, and I think it subliminally makes me watch it. But I am getting into it more and more. I like it when the Americans win, but I don't live and die by it, because watching someone who's dedicated years of their life , and it all paying off, is truly exciting. Congratulations to all the winners.

something else creepy

Okay, I told you all the tale of the mysterious moving light cover, and now something else. Thursday, before bed, I took a vicodin, and left a few in the pill bottle. Friday, when I got up, I went and looked, and there was one vicodin left. At the time, I thought my wife had taken the other ones and put in her purse, since I told her I was gonna stop and refill my prescription. So I fill it, and ask her, and she tells me that she never took any. I then thought perhaps the boy had upgraded his shennanigans, but he was home for the night, and the pill bottle was in a place he doesn't usually go in the house. We had friends over Thursday night, but they barely drink, so I ruled them out. I then thought that perhaps I took the last ones, and my mind was playing tricks on me. So Saturday, I get up, and I'm in the kitchen, and bumped the "empty" pill bottle. There were now 8 vicodin in it. When my wife got home after work, I asked her if she put a few in it, since technically its her bottle, because she had the same prescription, because she had a bad back too. She look at me like I was crazy. Why would she do that? So I explained why I asked. So now somebody or something is playing pranks on us. Spooky weird, I know.
last post
15 years ago
posts
70
views
13,946
can view
everyone
can comment
everyone
atom/rss

other blogs by this author

 14 years ago
Pimpout Corner
 14 years ago
Health
 14 years ago
Brilliant Ideas
 14 years ago
Mindless rantings
 15 years ago
Fantasy Report
 15 years ago
Reviews
 15 years ago
My Work Adventures
 15 years ago
Season of the Man
 15 years ago
My Owner
official fubar blogs
 8 years ago
fubar news by babyjesus  
 13 years ago
fubar.com ideas! by babyjesus  
 10 years ago
fubar'd Official Wishli... by SCRAPPER  
 10 years ago
Word of Esix by esixfiddy  

discover blogs on fubar

blog.php' rendered in 0.0772 seconds on machine '205'.