Outlaw's blog: "Candice's Blogs"

You called me at 11 am to say you had an accident with your motorcycle....hitting a deer on it doing 80 mph coming back from Anderson, SC. I freaked when I heard your message. I didnt answer the phone because I was nearly asleep, but something with the message must have clicked and woke me up completely. I knew something was wrong when you called at 11 am cause thats something you do not normally do. After talking with you I got to thinking how Id be if I had gotten a call from someone telling me you were dead....thinking how I would be without you. I would have been hysterical....crying....not knowing what to do. Dude, I dont talk with you much and I dont see you much anymore, but it still would have impacted me hard and it does anyways just to know you had a near death encounter. I love you with all my heart and soul my dear friend and I always will. Made me think of all the time we havent been talkin and chillin together.....what if that would have been the last thing I heard was you were dead....makes ya think about how much time you really do have on your hands....and if you would have died I would have been broken....that I didnt even get to say goodbye....Im sorry for ranting and sounding like maybe a mushy idiot.....but I have known you going on 7 years.....and like I said I dont see or speak with you much anymore, but if the accident would have been really fatal and you died...it would have left a significant dent in my life....like a piece of my life puzzle would have been missing from here on out. I just wanted you to know...if you read this how much I really cherish you being in my life....no matter how little we see and speak with each other these says. You have made the difference in my life and impacted it for the good. I dont know what Id do and where Id be without you. Im ever so greatful you did make it out alive and....dont even have any broken bones you lucky bastard lol. Someone was looking out for you and apparently did want you here and Im glad whatever that was...whoever is out there....Im glad they kept you here. Im glad that it was you on the phone instead of someone else giving me bad news....Im just glad you are ok.....I LOVE YOU JOHN LIKE MY BEST FRIEND....DONT YOU EVER DIE ON ME:)

Well this one is a hard one to start, but Imma try. Due to alot of recent events and such something good yet bad is happening with me. I now feel I am reverting back to how I used to cope with bad things going on with me...like how I delt with it as a child. I would like to call this emotion "blah". With everything that has happened my normal self would have been angry, enraged, and vengeful beyond what I had already done, but it feels like something has cracked inside of me. I wanna say fuck it...life has won...Im tired of battling every little thing that seems to be a major obstacle in my way or anything that brings me down in any fashion....I cant do it anymore....Im getting to the point in my life where I cant hold up this defense with everything nomore....everyone has a drawing point...kinda like someone is gonna die when being continuously beat on....well for the most part of my life my emotions have ran high in a bad way...something always super stressful happening...and I always thru up that wall and was always being defensive by letting everything come out in anger or rage or seeking revenge cause it all made me feel better....now its coming to the point that even that is just adding more stress...I cant do it anymore...I just wanna say Im done with all that...yes Ill eventually feel anger again....but I wont be striking back like I normally would have done....Ill probably just sit back and let whatever is going on happen...Ill even sit back and let someone cuss me out and not say a word back to them...and I almost wanna say if someone decides to hit me...Ill let them do what they feel and turn the other cheek...Im so sick of all this...when I say revert to coping with bad stuff like I did as a child...I mean Ill probably just cry about whatever is going on and go on about my business...For the last 3 days I have felt negative about everything, but I can not lay it on one emotion....I wasnt exactly sad, angry, depressed, etc.....I wasnt anything..I sorta feel like a robot...It feels weird....its like I have decided to let shit go on the inside....but at the same time I dont like this feeling...this is way out of character for me and Ive never felt like a "robot" before. I feel at this point in time...something bad could happen to me in the next few mins or tomorrow like breaking my leg or something...and I wouldnt care....at the same time...I am not feeling suicidal nor having suicidal thoughts....Im not gonna stab myself or anything...Im just to the point where if something bad did happen...I wouldnt care...let it happen.....could this be me not having anymore will power? Its like I dont care if I live or die...something of that nature...this is very hard to explain...and I hope if anyone reads this they get where Im coming from. Either way....Im to the point...I just dont care anymore...at least about myself...I dont care if someone cusses me out, i dont care if i get beat down, i dont care if i get hurt, i dont even care if i can get out of bed tomorrow....but just to let people know...if u intend on havin a problem with me and cussin me out or saying fighting words to me....please know that...I am going to turn the other cheek from now on...Im done explaining myself....Im done fightin people whether it be in an argument or a physical fight...Im just done!

Ok so Im chillin at the house grillin out with my dad and Tod havin a few beers and I see the police go by slowly but didnt think too much of it. About 10 minutes later I hear cop sirens and a ninja motorcycle going down the road headed our direction so my thought is oh well they must be chasing this guy, but I wasnt too worryed about it and went on about my business since the cop and the ninja motorcycle has by passed our neighborhood, but 2 minutes later I hear the motorcycle enter our hood at the other end of Ashcroft Dr. along with the cops so Im like oh shit...I get excited we get to see some dumb fuck getting chased by the police while hes doing crazy speeding on his motorcycle which I had a feeling we were going to get to see this fool take a turn and crash. We ran to the back of the house but it was too late to see if he crashed or just hopped off...we go back there to find the bike laying sideways in our neighbors yard that lives behind us and the dude who was driving it taking off through our neighbors yard who live besides us...this dude could jump some fences no lie...and this is Greenwood police for ya the officer is standing at the fence just looking around with a flashlight...Im in my yard waving my hands in the air pointing the direction dude took off in hoping the cop would see it and take off after him....it takes the police dude like 3-5 minutes to decide to hop the fence and run thru my yard...I ran up to him and he quickly asks me where did he go I said he went that way pointing thru my neighbors yard and the cop takes off a couple more feet until he is about at the road I live on and decided to turn his ass back around and realizes dude is nowhere to be found and nowhere in sight...that caused alot of hood drama everyone came out of their house to see this event and all piled up in my backyard to view the scene of the crime where the bike had been abandoned at. About 5 minutes later everyone left cause they had missed the good part that only me my dad and Tod caught and everyone went home and the hood was pretty much dead after that. The cops left the motocycle down there for about 30 mins...I guess to see if the guy would come back for it or to call someone to tow it...and in fact it did get towed after they left it there for that amount of time...dude could have easily came back for it and got away on it again cause it was left back there with no cops or no towing people.....I just had to write about it cause its the most excitement we've had out here in ages.

That pretty much explains it all...and how I feel at the moment!

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Ok...Im havin an off day and Im sorry to those Ive been a total bitch to directly or indirectly....Im dealin with some shit....I think too damn much for my own good and Im a depressed fool....everytime I think something is so close....its just that much further away....I have problems with motivation...when I wanna get something done and I think about the outcome I feel great inside...but then I start thinkin about how long it will take to get there...and how Im stuck in a catch 22 right now with no lisence or job at the moment......Im up to my head in medical bills and Its stressin me out....I guess I get stressed somewhat easily....Im an impatient asshole....and I hate time cause the clock is laughing in my fucking face!! So again Im sorry to anybody I fussed at...cussed out....said somethin about... offended or ranted at in general....I just feel like I am turnin into an ice cold hearted person lately...and Im just sick and tired of things in general....so plz forgive me for that!

Hey cherry peeps! Well I just wanted to do a lil ranting. Have you ever liked someone so much that you could barely keep yourself contained....well I do...I just cant help myself...Im trying to keep myself contained and not let it all out, but its hard to...especially when you just wanna show that person how much you really do like and care for them...aside from that have any of you had it where someone tells you to slow down or not do somethin entirely because someone else sees it and bitches about it to them and then you wind up getting an earful about it so to speak? I can not stand that shit.....makes me wanna tell the person who bitched about it to start with to just grow the fuck up.....seems like everything lately is a competition or jealousy issue with people and Im tee totally sick of it!! And I sure as hell dont need another "daddy" or "momma" tellin me what I can and cant do!! The only way Id really wanna stop is if that person really wanted to because they wanted it...not cause someone else bitched at them about it and asked me to stop cause they dont wanna hear the bitchin....gets on my damn nerves....Hell if theres a beef take it up with me....doesnt matter what kind of beef it is or even if its super small. I dont really wanna go into detail about it cause I dont wanna hear nothing else about it so...we can just leave it at that....also who else also hates wishy washy people who are fine with you one day and the next theres a problem? People like that need to just drop off the face of the planet or at least work on it when bein told straight up what they are doin...Im also tired of people who are supposed to be my friends constantly lying to me or stretchin the truth about shit....if you my friend....you know there aint no point in lying to me...Im very irritated with all of this as yall can tell....and Im through with bein nice....Im not gonna bite my tongue anymore....from here on anyone who is going to be like this to me is going to get my strong opinion on it and Im gonna say what i have to say instead of tryin to explain things or being quiet all together and trying to ignore shit...ignorin shit aint flyin with me nomore....it dont get nothin done these days....to hell with it all!!! Im hatin the world right now and its probably hatin me right back, but I just do not give a good god damn!!!

Well peeps for those who knew me I am back on myspace again and for good w00t!! Well the story begins with my asshole of an ex Daniel who apparently seen the need to send loads of havoc my way and get revenge on me...for what i dont know...hell I was trying to be friends with him and work things out....until I found proof in the pudding he did cheat on me with a girl named Jessica Martin....and then he claims he was fuckin like 3 other girls while he was with me....I was like ok whats done is done its in the past...I didnt really raise no fuss about it...why bother. On top of that I let him borrow a few items of mine and he hasnt returned them..instead hes still using them and letting his girlfriend Jessica wear my shit which pissed me off to start with....but hell Ill go buy some more in time so fuck it....well anyway just 3 days ago he flips out steals my main yahoo email account...changes the password and takes it over....he goes wild with it and proceeded to impersonate me and email my peeps and send the rude outlandish emails....of course my friends know me better than that and knew it wasnt me....he tryed to cause me some crazy drama but it backfired and didnt work....on top of it all I got my email account back by doing some simple things, but that dont change the fact he deleted my original myspace page and my cherrytap page and was rude to my friends acting like he was me in the emails....so i created another myspace as you can see and i created another cherrytap for you people who know what that is. I also apologized to all the people he sent the rude emails to and I hope they accepted the apology and all is well. After fucking with me he decided to move onto my dads shit since Im too smart for his ass and got all my shit back except for the stuff he permanently deleted. He then tryed to log into my dads ebay so many times it locked him out, but he was ahead of the game and ready for his shit..... he had to go thru some shit to resolve that...but now thats stable and we havent heard a peep out of Daniel's dumbass since......*knock on wood*....I have a feeling everything isnt over and done with yet....but if hes got more ammo...Im ready for it!!!! If he keeps it up...the law is involved and he is working on going straight to jail so.....that leaves me in a most good mood...*evil laugh*