Peggy's Poem
CAN'T DIE MOM
I.
I've worked the exercise
Write your own eulogy
Who's at your funeral
One day I got bad news
Invasive breast cancer
the only thought running through my mind
"I can die from this."
I got drunk at lunch
sobered up at work
called my parents - went home
Spent the evening with my daughters
They were scared - I could tell
The three of us, curled up on my bed
Watching a romance movie Under the Tuscan Sun
After the movie, they went to bed
I lay in mine, crying as quietly as I could
Crazy - the only thing that I could think of
Get your affairs in order
Make sure Darren has no claim to your assets
Those belong to Jessica and Christina
Thinking of Christina
Made me cry even harder
I'm not finished with her
I tossed in bed
Do I bother Jessica? Do I cry in front of her?
What the hell - I got up and went to her room
laid down next to her
She wrapped her arms around me
My head in her lap
Her eyes tired and red
"I don't know what to say," she said.
"just let me cry."
"you can't die mom" her voice stoic
"I know - " I trailed off
II.
What scared me most -
Dying before Christina turned 18
before Jessica graduated from
college
before Christina finished high school
Dying before shopping for wedding dresses
before seeing my daughters walk
down the aisle
before meeting my grandbabies
Dying without knowing what it feels like
to have a man truly madly deeply in love with me
Dying before seeing the Grand Canyon
spending a month or two island
hopping through Greece
before hiking the Scottish Highlands in
July
before seeing the Aurora Borealis in Alaska
Dying before making a difference
III.
A funny thing happened on the way to the notary
I needed a witness watch
me sign my life away
at that moment
I was ready to die
this
amazing calm
Now I don't wear a watch
I stopped looking for that special someone
I took up golf
I went indoor rock climbing
I started my own business
I didn't die when I got laid off
I travel here and there when I want to
...I just do it...
Death will eventually catch up with me
Until then
I don't ask permission
Copyright 2005 by Peggy Bell. Check out her site, http://noshavingrequired.blogspot.com/
