Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

Ever felt like you didn't have a god damned thing to say?
But I did feel like havin some god damn gum.
Fuck yeah.

So my mom called me twice today
once to tell me about a family reunion
I emphatically declined
and again to reschedule fondue and to ask me a very very personal question...

Now you kids don't know my mother
she's bonkers.
We've decided to find it charming, so I thought for sure she was going to ask something like "do you have an STD" or "do I have grandkids"

it was one of those big silly pauses she gives sometimes.

So she finally spits it out.
"Was there a woman over at your house today?"
...
"wha!?"

"I just ask because I heard a woman's voice in the background"

"...
wha!?"

I had to think for a few seconds.
I mean- yeah my mom is NOT a lateral thinker, neither am I but my brother and I are on a completely different wavelength from the progenitor.
It's like looking at an orange
she'd ask where it came from
I'd ask how it tastes
my brother would say it probably hurts when you juice it with your eye.

We're an odd little family.

Moving on
weird ass question

because

I am not seeing anyone.

*mutters... kicks dirt*

and yeah, I'd tell my mom.
I'm fairly certain my mom KNOWS that I'd tell her.

But it is kinda weird
me being single
and employed.
It's kinda new territory.

But truth be told it ended with Tree only...
3 months ago?

okay that's actually kind of a long damn time :/

So I guess it was a hint, wishful thinking, and a crazy assed question all at once

and it didn't help that mom was at a family reunion where all of my white trash relatives were talking about how they had
multiple
children
before they were my age.

*scratches his head*
My dad was 27 when my older brother was born.
I'm almost 25.

My mom laughs or dismisses when I ask her if she wants grandkids, but then there are these little subtle nudges I get from time to time.

I had to think
was I watching TV when she called?
No I was out...
was I out with anyone?

... no.

I was on my favorite couch in my favorite cafe having my second favorite coffee beverage playing my favorite game Final Fantasy Tactics (I quantify it as my favorite because its the game I've played through the most that has more than a 2 hour playtime).

There's a quiz later for several thousand bajillion megapoints if you know the answer to what my -favorite- coffee beverage is.

I didn't have any cute girls sitting in my lap
I didn't remember saying anything particularly cute or pithy to anyone to attract their attention...

Answer
no
I was at coffee
by myself
you must've overheard someone else in the background...

and got your hopes up.

This is how I've come to interpret this whole mess.
It should somehow reflect my feelings for the past 12 hours.

And I mentioned that there really is only one girl on my radar.
She has a big muscley thugnificent boyfriend who wears all the designer labels of a modern day street prince.
He has a "side of the bed".

It sounds pretty serious.

And no one seems particularly interested in talking about how I'm unlikely to meet her criteria for second choice
much less first.
Not that I've never convinced a woman to leave her boyfriend before...

but it doesn't always work out so smoothly, nor is it ever the most decent thing to do...
Problem is I still catch myself getting closer to her
and questioning my intentions, my goals, and my self at every turn.