So I’m sure that ya’ll have heard about that astronaut chick who feel off the deep end into deep space nine, huh?
I mean…… I guess I always accepted the implication that astronauts are space cadets…… but the euphemism was temporarily lost on me until the story broke in the news last week…..
This lady……married with three kids, checks her boyfriend’s email and gets his other girlfriend’s flight itinerary…….. Then, she slides into some damn diapers……withdraws a bankroll of cash, and drives 900 friggin miles to meet the other side piece of azz as she lands in Florida.
Then she puts on a wig and sunglasses and pepper sprays the heffa in the parking lot…..
The police find her with a knife, some trash bags, rubber hoses, a steel mallet, and a trench coat.
Damn!............. That sounds like the props for a perverted porn flick!
This got me to thinking about the line between stalking and romance. And since this is the Valentines day season….. this thought reminded me of an old story I think I’ve experienced before.
I think I was totally romantic…….. But I COULD have been kinda stalkerish.
You be the judge….
Case Study A: Romance or Stalking?
OK…..Dude sees girl in the library……. He says nothing to her because, well, he’s a punk………So he just stares at her from across the room in between studying.
Next day, dude sees girl again in the library…. but with the punkage still running rampant throughout his punk ass… again, he says nothing… just stares at her from across the room in between studying.
Next day, girl’s not there.
Following day, girl’s not there.
Dude decides at that very moment that if he ever sees her again….. that he will stop actin like a lil bytch and approach her.
The next week, he sees her in the library again……. Resolved, he walks in her direction, and just as he gets to her table…
He punks the fukk out again and walks straight to the bathroom.
He composes himself, and when he comes out, he walks straight to her table…. sits down…. and engages in conversation.
In his eyes conversation goes well, and he walks her to her car.
He gives her his number…..and…..
She never calls.
A few days later, dude, convinced that he just needs another shot, canvasses the campus parking lot for her car.
Upon finding it, he pulls up behind it and decides what to do next.
He drives off to the grocery store, purchases a single red rose, and places it on her windshield with a small card attached with his name and number.
Now. Is that romantic?? ……Or is that stalking???
Did you say “Awww… how sweet!!” when you read it…..
or were you thinking “Damn Kavi…. stalk much??”
See, me personally….. I think that shyt is romantic……..
I mean……. sure I feel that way mostly because this story was about my ass back in ‘96 at Xavier University. LOL But that aside……. I think the shyt is romantic.
It’s not like I was hiding in the bushes an’ shyt outside her apartment looking to see what brand of instant mashed potatoes she likes!
It’s not like I was driving by her crib at 3 in the morning “just to see if she was home.”
It’s not like I was following her to the movies or dinner just to see if she’s with another man or not.
All I did was leave a rose in her windshield… after perusing the parking lot…. looking for her car……in the middle of the damn day….. when I should have been studying…. and should’ve taken her non-calling as a fukkin hint…. but nah fukk that….. I knew better…… she wanted me…. she just was scared…. shy an’ shyt….. I just needed another gesture to convince her that I’m that brutha she needs…… if I can just make her see that she needs me…. yeah…. that’ll solve everything….. so I drove up and down the aisles of the parking lot….. searching for her car….. having no idea what I would do when I found it…. but I found it….. and I thought up some romantic shyt…. and I put a rose on her windshield…. peeked in the car…. just bein nosey an’ shyt…. hmmm a Maxwell CD…..
ummm, I’m fogging up her window with my breath…… I bounced.
Ummm…. damn. Ain’t that ’bout a…..
I was stalking huh?? *blank stare*
But it was for romantic purposes!!
That excuses it right??!!........ RIGHT!!???
Well, she seemed to think so…….. She called me the next day to thank me and say how nice of a gesture it was.
I mean……. it ain’t like I was on some Darius Lovehall shyt! * that’s another Love Jones reference for my white readers*
…..It ain’t like I copied down her address from a fukkin check she wrote at the store, just after she politely told me to step.dafukk.off.
It ain’t like I rolled up to her crib UNANNOUNCED with the CD that she was stalking at the very store where I stole her address right before she told me “thanks, but no thanks.”
It ain’t like I rolled up with the the CD she’d been eyeing that she didn’t tell me about…. but that I overheard while she talked to someone else and knocked on the door at the address I stole from a check she wrote in the store just prior to her telling me “No means no brutha.”
See…. now THAT shyt is stalking……..
But heffas were like “awwww…. persistence can be sexy…….. How romantic!” *lol*
And the shyt worked!!......
He (I) got in the crib!!...... He(I) got a date!....... And he(I) got ass on the first date!!
All because he(I) knew how to make stalkeristic shyt look romantic.
Similar to my rose in the windshield shyt….
So then, what have we learned from today’s story?
Hell if I know….
The topic sounded like a winner when I started it, but now I’ve said everything I had to say and the shyt isn’t interesting or funny…..
Perhaps, I should make a list of how to know if you’re stalking or just being romantic???
Lists are always entertaining, right??
Well, I’m not going to do that because one of the things I would have said makes people stalkers is Googling muhfukkas…...
But ummm….. yeah, I’ve done that shyt…. and you have too…. it’s the new millenium!!
That’s the first recourse in wondering what ever happened to so-and-so….. You Google ‘em. Right??....
I have an ex girlfriend that no matter where I try to hide on the internet….she always finds my ass…..Im on websites that Im thinking she’ll never find me here….I look up and there she …..wtf????......damn…….that dang Google search engine……*sigh*
Ok, so maybe it isn’t stalking as long as you don’t follow up on the info you obtain by Googling??
Yes, that’s it….. Googling is curiosity….. following up is stalking….
So then, if I’m just curious (no John Amechi)…. like George…. and I must be curious because they say curiousity killed the cat… and I have been known to kill a few in a my day…. then it can’t be bad. Right??
Yes, curiousity isn’t bad…… unless of course you just say you’re curious….. but your silly ass is really nosey…… but just calling your nosiness curiousity to make you seem less gossipy and more inquisitive……... Because nosiness IS bad…….. And nosey people suck.
BUT…
Nosey people usually find out info that could help them in romancing the very person they’re interested in.
That nosiness gives them a leg up!......... Like, most people who liked Maxwell’s first CD also liked the movie Love Jones…. they both came around the beginning of that whole “neo-soul, that brutha’s enlightened and deep” movement in the mid to late nineties.
So a nosey brutha noticing that a certain girl has a Maxwell CD in her front seat as he places a red rose on her windshield may be inclined to ask her out to see Love Jones when the average other brutha was trying to take her to see Friday….(or Jerry McGuire for my white folx readers)
And if said nosey brutha succeeded in romancing said object of his affection by endeavoring on leisurely jaunts through a parking lot searching for her car and leaving a rose on said object’s car and noticing a Maxwell CD on her front seat and asking her out to see Love Jones when she called to thank him for the rose and remarking over dinner after the movie how stalkeristic that dude was in the movie without revealing all the lengths to which said nosey brutha went to get said object of his affection there with him…
…that’s not stalking….
… that’s romance.
Nina thought so…… And so did said object of said nosey brutha’s affection when said nosey brutha finally revelead to her a few weeks later the lengths to which he’d gone to get her attention after said object of his affection told him that she had never intended to call because she was looking for romance and said nosey bruthas initial holla at the library was WEAK…(as if)….As I stated above….
“I just needed another gesture to convince her that I’m that brutha she needs…”
And even though that sounds like some stalkeristic, demented shyt to say….. said nosey brutha…. *ahem* ME…
I was right….
AND romantic. *so there, bytches*
That being said….Im spending the second V Day in a row….alone….and randomnly reminiscent….
That is all….
