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Shona Marie's blog: "My first blog"

created on 02/04/2007  |  http://fubar.com/my-first-blog/b51931

=( Bullshit...

I really don't think that I can handle much more. In the last week I've lost 3 people. I lost my great grandma on the 14th, I lost a friend (Jarrett Lane) on the 16th at Virginia Tech, and this morning I lost my great aunt. Everytime I turn around something is going wrong. Everytime things finally start to look up, it all goes to hell. I am so sick of this. And everything that happened at VT is really killing me. To lose someone is one thing, but to lose some that way is tearing me apart. Everynight I wish that I would go to sleep and when I wake up it will all have just been an extremely horrible dream. Just something that never happened. None of those that we lost Monday deserved it. It scares the hell out of me too to be honest. Its because, we'll watch on the news that there was a school shooting somewhere and yeah we think its sad, but it doesnt seem all that real. And we always think, thats no wheres near here, its never gonna happen around here, or its never gonna happen to me or anyone I know. Then it happens right next door. And you lose someone you cared about. If I lose anyone else I'm gonna break down and collapse. I really can't take all this. Its killing me from the inside out. It makes me sick to think of it anymore but I cant get it out of my head. I cant eat or sleep. I want to and think I really need to go to Virginia Tech and see the memorials, but I'm not sure if I can. I know that I can't do it alone, but I don't really believe that I can do it at all. Its something that I need to do to get closure though. I'll never be able to deal with this completely, but it will help. Before long I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown ***Lost***
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16 years ago
=( Bullshit...

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