If building blocks were scattered stars,
we'd make our home beneath the sun
and asteroid strikes and solar flares,
would tangle in the webs we've spun.
Your dress would be the Northern Lights,
I'd wear comet upon my tie
and we would dance,
a celestial trance,
amongst the legends of the evening sky.
-poetic DesCent
I read it. I got it today, and read it. (And yes, I followed the directions...)
For much of my life, I have always done what many men do not. I spend such a great effort avoiding prepoderancy. I never let myself have too much of one thing... rationing myself small portions of happiness, success, love, friends, family. I rationed you.... We've had this discussion already; and, due to the fact that the current situation requires a possibly life-altering decision, I almost rationed you again. I wish I could apologize for being complex at times, but I'm not remorseful. I do it intentionally. You said: "I just fear falling completely in love with you again..." Truth is, I want you to be hesitant about falling in love with me. I'm not a pragmatic relationship choice. The shifting sands of the sea are more foreseeable than I am. So, no matter how much I desire (with the very [1] philotes of my being) for you to be "in love with me", I'd never wish that on you.
And so, I must disagree with you... This is more than a decision, this is a predicament.
pre·dic·a·ment /Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pri-dik-uh-muhnt for 1, 3; pred-i-kuh-muhnt for 2] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. an unpleasantly difficult, perplexing, or dangerous situation.
So let it be known, publicly, that I do love you. I simply refuse to let myself fall for you, like the old days... because of "HIM". I've been in this situation before, prior to when we met. Now, I just can't bring myself to want you when I know that you are taken. That would be selfish of me, and I'm trying to move beyond my selfism. I wrote this in "NOTE" form instead of as a "MESSAGE" directly to you, because I want the opinions of my friends... because, honestly, at this point, I just don't know what to do. I pray that this does not offend you.
[1] philote A reference to the novel: "Ender's Game." A philote is the basic building block of matter, the true indivisible particle that is not made up of smaller ones.
Philotes combine or 'twine' to make up all matter in the universe.
