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You ever notice that a lot of mistakes in life come from assuming things that aren't really true? Well, I think that's just as true in relationships as anything else. And if you're interested in a few good pointers I have some ideas that may help you learn how to build a strong relationship with your partner. Over the years it's easy to get comfortable with one another and before you know it, if you're not careful, you're assuming a lot of things that lead to a stale relationship. So I've come up with five tips that I think may help you combat relationship stagnation so that you can start romancing one another again. Based on certain thoughts, I'll point out why I think it's best to ask and not assume, because you may have discovered a lot about each other, but there's no reason you can't continue to rediscover one another as time goes on and fall in love with one another all over again as you continue on in your relationship. So, let's begin, shall we? "What's On Your Mind?" If you're not careful, it's easy to get to a place in a relationship in which you just expect your partner to say everything she feels. And of course, a great relationship is based on good communication, but we all need reassertion from time to time and the work you put in to it to let her know you're really interested in what she is thinking can lead to better results. You could assume she'll tell you everything, especially if you have an open and honest relationship, but it's not always quite that simple. Chances are good you'll share a lot with one another but there's also a good chance you'll come to know quite a bit more about one another by simply asking what she is thinking (a little more often). In that fashion, the effort to ask what's on her mind at least once a day can lead to learning more about her in the end, rather that just finding out what she's thinking when it occurs to her to tell you. "Are We Okay?" People in relationships assume they are okay all of the time. Often that's true... at least for a little while, but then time drags on and the little things begin to add up, and before you know it, you're both traveling a rocky road and wondering how you got there in the first place. Assuming everything is okay in a relationship can allow trouble to creep up on you if you're not careful. In that fashion, it's a good idea to ask one another if you're okay frequently enough so that stagnation doesn't sneak up behind you. Then if you get a "no" you might want to consider asking, "What can I do to make it better?" Then work on resolving it from there. "Is There Anything I Can Do for You Today?" There's a lot you can do for one another in a relationship, but if you never ask, you may never find out what that is. Stagnation may creep in and the next thing you know, you're in an argument and there are about a dozen things thrown at you concerning what you've been doing wrong or not doing at all. In order to keep stagnation from occurring, you may find it's a good idea to frequently ask "Is there anything I can do for you today?" The answer may be the same the majority of the time, but one day you may find that question was the reason behind why you resolved an issue before it got out of hand. "I Know You." You've been married for about ten years and you know her like the back of your hand. Of course, that may be true, but I always say to myself, "Don't take for granted you know everything about anyone, because people change everyday." It may be a gradual change, but nonetheless it happens. We've all seen television shows about the couple that had everything going for them, but somehow, during the course of it all something changed and later they decide to get a divorce. One of the reasons being that they changed over the years and neither of them took the time to notice. "You Always Do That!" The blame game. You have to be careful of the accusation culprit. It just leads to high-heated arguments. What you're accusing the person of may be true, but the way it's being said just doesn't come across nicely. So try asking instead of telling. Rather than saying, "You always do that..." try asking if you're correct about how you see things first and once it's confirmed that that is the case, try saying (in a kind tone), "Is there any reason behind why you do that in particular?" The results turn out much better and in the process you don't make assumptions and learn things about one another. You find out that perhaps your thoughts were not entirely accurate and the reason it's being done never occurred to you. Or that maybe you're playing off of each other and the fault lies on both ends. Of course these tips may not help you resolve all stagnation in your relationship, but they certainly may help you eliminate a few things along the way. They're definitely a good starting point if you're noticing some things are creeping up on the two of you and you can't quite pinpoint what they are. Usually a major culprit behind it is assumption and as a result of assuming things, things get stagnant and a laziness in the relationship occurs. Stagnation is a silent but violent culprit. It will try to sneak up on you if you let it. A relationship is definitely hard work, but the trick is to not let it all pile up on you at once and to stay ahead of the game by always making an effort and resolving the problems as they present themselves.
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