Brodie Taco Slayer's blog: "Brodie's rants and stuff"

 "You have no respect just like you have no acting and make-up talent."

 

-David Duarte

 

That above quote is from an elder member of a haunt group I belong to, this member I blew up at, the how or why is unimportant, the result was me losing my cool and people I care about being pulled into via exploding ice tea. The after effect was Dave writing me a series of messages about respect to him and his rank and standing in our group. This was the last line he sent, my reply was a halfhearted comeback of "Thanks....I know that already you fuck........", yeah, that is the best I had at the time.

 

The thing is, I cannot shake these words loose, the thing is I do respect this person, I respect his rank and standing, maybe not so much him as a person, but I respect his opinion enough to let these words he wrote hit me. It has made me think about a lot, about my inner demons. Largely my temper......

 

Now, reading his message at face value, I know it not to be totally true, while I would not say I was the best at both haunt acting and make-up, I know I am not the worst. I have had my share of good acts, I try to be a leader during the haunt season, and I have always given my haunt my all, I love it. That being said because of my upbringing I tend to down myself quicker then anybody, I tend to look at my negative. This negative energy that feeds my inner beast, my temper.

 

My temper is a defense, it comes out when I need to defend myself or people I care about, I also think it shields me from getting hurt, this is why I tend to push people away that seem to care about me most.  The first time I knew of this temper was when I was 7, some bullies were messing with my brother and I and one them broke my Star Wars lunch box, well this pissed me off for the first time, I am sure it was a fruitless effort, but those kids backed off. Even as kids my brother and I were forced to fight my Dad's battles, because he did something we became targets. This meant we had to fight.....alot. My temper became my security.....my protection

 

This brings me to now.......I don't know what to do.....I love haunt acting.....because of the negative energy it seems to be as much a source of fuel for my anger, as an outlet. I have talked to people about getting better at stuff like haunt make-up......but is it worth it? How is it I let the littlest things bother me within my haunt group.....yet in my daily life I just go with the flow. I don't want people mad at me.........

 

So what is the answer? Do I just stop caring? Do I move on? I am sure people would love to see me go, at the same time I have given much of myself and my time to my haunt group.......can I just let go? 

 

I do know this......I cannot continue down the path I am going, it will only result it my being kicked out of the group and what I love to do......I just do not have any answers......and I can only apologize so much........

 

In closing, I do have respect, it only goes so far and it should go both ways, in other words if I show you respect you should show me some to..........yes my haunt make-up sucks, honest as long as I get an okay from the powers that be I am golden, I don't want to be the best. Yes.....my acting sucks......but I know I am one hell of a haunt performer. My bottom line is this.....negative energy is not conductive to a creative environment. Maybe if some of our elder members spent more time trying to push other performers to be better then kick their legs from underneath them......well.....now you see......now I know why I am the way am there.

 

Now I get it..........now I just have to figure out what to do about it............

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

                   You have no respect just like you have no acting and make-up tale You have no respect just like you have no acting and make-up tale