Finally, someone put it writing!!! (Try to read this when your sober, then come back to it when your drunk so you remember what you read!)
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you dont remember it, it didnt happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. “Mom Im in McDonalds & theyre playing our song. I love you”
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesnt want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright… if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exs & remind them that you were the best lover theyve ever had & everything they know, they learned from u. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. you can also call this same ex & let them know, that you know, that they still love you. Then explain to that you understand because you would still love you too!
9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials u. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
10. It is always a good idea to sing on someones answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.
11. Drunk dialing should be fun & light hearted or dirty and sex crazed… Never angry.
12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away & reminding you that “u have a problem”.
13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad & usually leads to angry dialing.
15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friends phone to do your dialing.
16. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually to costly to be a good idea. But if feel like if you dont call this person ull just die, break rule 15 & use a friends phone.
17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing… be prepared.
18. When drunk dialing remember that “hanging out” at 3 in the A.M. usually doesnt involve cards its probably going to be more like cheap lube & handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk….. “u want me to do what with your box? Play with it?”
19. Dont drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far to drunk to be using electronics & you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friends parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers
And those are the rules of drunk dialing! Enjoy!!!! I need to study these, just ask my friends at 4:00AM!!!!
