Ninja's blog: "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"

I can't sit here and claim I knew Crystal at all, because I didn't. What I know of her is only from those who cared about her. What else I know is that her tragic death didn't have to happen.

Too often women (and let's face it, men too) get in relationships that turn violent. They ignore the warning signs of the first smack, the second too, thinking, hoping that they will be the one who saves him. You can't be. Don't sit there and think an abuser will change. Don't wait until they become more psychotic and grab a weapon. Break the cycle and run away. There are safe places you can go to get away. Don't wait, because the next time, might just be the last time.

There are a few easy to recognize warning signs that your relationship may have the potential for violence. Please don't ignore them. Break the cycle and find a loving relationship. And if you are guilty of these, please get some professional help to address your insecurities so that you too can find a healthy, loving relationship.

Does the person you love

• constantly keep track of your time?

• act jealous and possessive?

• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?

• discourage your relationships with friends and family?

• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?

• constantly criticize or belittle you?

• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)

• humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)

• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?

• have affairs?

• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?

• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?

• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?

• lose their temper, or become violent?

• abuse drugs or alcohol?

• claim you are responsible for their enraged emotional state?

If your partner exhibits any of these warning signs, please take them seriously. These problems don't typically go away, they seed and fester until they explode. Don't be there when he (or she) takes it too far.