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Breakdown

I had my first panic attack since this past summer yesterday. I know what happened, and yet, I feel helpless. I was talking to an old friend of mine, and he started yelling at me, and the next thing I know, I was crying and gasping for air.. Not that he even bothered to look over his shoulder. He says Ive changed for the worst, but he isnt the same person I used to know and love. The person I know would have helped me, not yell at me. He would have given me 5 fucking minutes of his time instead of making me feel vulnerable and ashamed. And yet, after all this time, everything that happened between him and I, is still all of MY fault. He takes absolutely no responsibility in it. When he knows goddamn well that its his fault to, but no one here knows that now do they? No, because Im the bitch. I'm the one who changed, Im the one who grew up. And all I'm asking for now, since Ive never asked that boy for a goddamn thing, is 5 minutes of his time without him screaming at me, and without him walking away. I think hes just as afraid of me leaving as I am. Whatever. He could ask me to cut off my legs, and I still would. He knows it too.
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