Dear Magic:
Your writing on Soul Mates really touched me.
[ SNIP]
So here I am, he says he loves me but I feel like I'm in this relationship alone.
It's like everything else matters but us and when I tell him we have a problem
he will yes me to death but nothing ever changes. I feel like we are not even on
the same planet anymore and i have been put into this box and kept there until
he's ready to deal.
So how do I get him to understand ?
How do I get him to see I'm reaching out to make it work again because
I'm tired of doing all the work.
Am I making any sense ? Help.
lacie.
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Dear Lacie.
It is said the universe moves in mysterious ways.
Call it irony, call it serendipity, fate or just a syncretistic coincidence
but yes I know what you mean. First off, I'm not paragon of virtue
nor perfection or great sage. I have my quirks, my faults just like everyone else.
Let me guess - it's like banging your head against a closed locked door
isn't it ?
Recently I've come to learn some lessons in this area and I'm not sure if my
lessons or path are yours but here you go.
You can love a person to death and give it your all, but you can only control
yourself. No amount of love you can give will convince them to open back up to you
and let you in or take you out of that box. They have to make a decision to take
real action and open that door or take down that wall or remove you from that box.
We teach people how to treat us, so at some point you have to ask yourself
is this relationship of "existence" or in "words" only acceptable to me ?
Now don't be fooled the easiest thing to do in the world is just sit there
avoid the issue and keep doing what you're doing.
However there is a saying
"Do what you always do, get what you always got! "
If you have done everything you can, looked hard at yourself and your contribution to
the situation and taken responsibility for your part; pulled hard at the sides
of the box and banged on those walls then there is nothing more you
can do. Ultimately, it takes two and they have to make a meaningful effort
not just you.
What you could do is put the ball in his court and leave it at that and
move on. Now here's the real sad part, sometimes by the time they
figure out you are someone they want, your no longer there.
Do I think if you put the ball in his court he'll "do something" ?
No I don't. People who tend to wait until they absolutely have to make
a choice in life usually wait until they see it's too late. Ironically
then they come running and expect you to jump. Also since he has
disengaged from you and is not willing to reengage or
worse just doesn't have what it takes the odds are not good.
I'm sorry and I'm willing to be wrong, but there are some
rules of human nature which rarely ever change.
But we can hope can't we ?
If you do decide to move on, expect it to be your fault no
matter what you do. You may encounter some passive aggressive
behavior or out right anger. Sort of if you really cared why
are you not continuing to slam your head again my walls
sort of logic.
Beyond that, I don't know all I can tell you is I share your
frustration and pain. But at some point you have to do what is
right for you. If they wake up in time and make a serious effort
great, but for some people it's just easier to be ambiguous.
Sorry I wish I had some sage miracle advice, but I don't.
Warm regards,
Sir Magic
--
SirMagic's Rule # 8
We put forth our perfections to dazzle the world with our self perceived light.
But often it is our imperfections which bind our lovers and relationships together.
~ Sir Magic ~
Magic's World
http://www.darkangel.com
