THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over- unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9:00 pm- we don't have shit to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit- only mind blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions. Ex. " where are we heading with this?" "do you love me?" the answer is "NO", so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance. That is why you are called the "backup" -unless you are from out-of-town, then its only a one-time thing.
7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.
8. No baby talk. However, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers. It's really none of your damn buisness.
10. No calling each other " friends with benefits" - we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is okay - dont be offended.
12. No extra clothing- i don't want your ass leaving anything behind when u leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex - It's over, so get your ass up and go home.
14. Don't be offended if i don't ask if you enjoyed it - i don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks you who you are, the standard response will be: " The delivery man."
17. Doggie-style preferred- just hit it hard and right, or get the hell out!
18. Reason for doggie-style: the less eye contact, the better.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME - so dont keep calling.
20. Bring your own drink - i am not your liquor store.
21. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
22. The most important one - NO CONDOMS, NO SEX. Carry your butt home.
EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, it will be automatically become null and void , and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from the phone memory and e-mail list - BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
