DO NOT TAKE THIS LITERALLY (UNLESS YOU WANT 2)
"BOOTY CALL APPLICATION" This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "AGREEMENT") is entered into on the ____ day of _________, 2006 between ___________ and __________. THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. There shall be NO sleeping over -- unless the sex was so good that it justifies a repeat performance in the morning.
2. We shall NOT meet in public except for dinner or drinks before the carnal events of the evening.
3. Do NOT call me before 10:00PM -- WE DON'T HAVE SHIT TO TALK ABOUT.
4. There will be NO "love making" -- only sex
5. Under NO circumstances will there be any emotional discussions. These include questions like "Where are we heading with this?"; "Do you love me?"; and "What are you thinking?" The answers are "Nowhere", "Hell no" and "About someone else", so dont ask
6. We will NOT make plans in advance -- that is why you are called the "back-up", unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advance arrangement.
7. All gifts are gratefully accepted -- money is always the best gift.
8. NO talk of marriage shall ever be uttered -- however, dirty talk and screaming is encouraged.
9. Please do NOT ask for comparisons with former lovers -- it's really none of your damn business. This rule shall be null and void if you are asking to include former lovers in our session.
10. We are NOT together, just sex-buddies
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK -- don't be offended if there are multiple names called out and references made to college parties, cheerleader camps, or women's prisons.
12. DO NOT wear extra clothing -- I want it fast, easy, and a sure as hell don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. You will NOT fall asleep right after sex -- consider my cry of "Oh, shit, I'm cuming!" to be your cue to start gathering your things so you can get the fuck out.
14. Do NOT be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it -- I don't care.
15. You can NOT borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "His roommate's girlfriend"
17. You must confirm ALL visits. An unanswered phone call does not constitute confirmation I might be busy (if u know what i mean)
18. If you don't want hot, wet, messy sex, do NOT come over. [See number 10]
19. Bring your own drinks -- I don't run a liquor store. Better yet, bring me a some Hypnotiq & Henessy
20. You will NOT use my phone under any circumstance. This is not the movies -- everyone has caller ID, and I don't want anyone calling for you on my SHIT.
By signing below, YOU agree to all of the above rules, regulations, stipulations, references, and inuendos. Furthermore, if you break this covenant, you will give ME sloppy road-head cause of this agreement during a drive of MY choosing.
Booty Caller: Sign: ________________ Date ____
