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What are you waiting for?
What happens when all feelings are lost? Do you turn icy cold like everyone already thinks your to be, or just turn away from everyone. Whats the point in trying to care for someone else or helping them when you feel it doesnt make a difference. My favoret is when you are being fed a bunch of bullshit that you know you shouldnt believe, but insted of lissioning to your inner voice you say fuck it. Its those feelings. So thats why i ask why care. No one cares for me so why care for others. To make myself feel good fuck that got enough on my plate. Its the begging of a cold hart in the making if it has not gotten there yet. How can you ever learn to trust someone when all they do is lie and bullshit you into believing something that in the back of your head you know is a lie, but wanting it so badly to be truth. So my question to everyone is how do you know when its not a lie. Prob never get the true anwser to that question cause there doesnt seem to be anymore truthful people around anymore. Well thats all i gotta say for now so..........
Later
Sleepers like to dream. Dream the night away. Dream the day away. All life is is just a dream, right? Dream of a better life, dream of a better home, even dream for the right person. Then you open your eyes and see the dream fade. Fade into your reality.Were its dark and dank and oh so dreary. Were is the hand to lift me up to the right path. Two different roads to choose, but which one. One could be the dream land you have always wanted ,or the bleakness of reality. Or you could be fucked ether way cause they could lead to the same dread. Its always, make a choice. I hang my head so low, waiting for the blindness to bleed from my eyes so that i can know which way to go. But for now I sit at this fork and dream. Just dream...............or till someone comes along and slaps me in the face and just says, wake the fuck up bitch this aint no dream world!
My eyes are open the world is spinning. The rest of yours are closed while mine are open. Close those eyes which seem to not want to. Close those which seem to want to see eveything around. Open to all that doesnt want to see. Open to all that does want to know. To be scared is the worse feeling in the world and we all go through it, but god damn it open your fucking eyes; say something. Stop letting people hold you back. I want to close my eyes but I can't no matter how hard I try. Why won't you? Trying to make it through this world is hard. Trying to make it through this world alone is even harder, but when you have no one and no one is will to help then there is nothing. So my eyes stay open while yours stay shut. Everything is spinning around, everything is turning. What am I to do. Wait. Leave. Give up. Hell no, mine will always be opened to watch you fall. I will never leave i will never give up. The only thing i ask is for you to open your eyes.
So what is the point of today? I am not talking about today as in, what the hell am i going to do today. I mean what the hell is the point of todays times. When will people start opening there eyes and start looking for what is more then just in front of you. The hippies had it right, well they had it right in a way. Maybe not the way the took things about, like i am sorry but i have to take a bath and i cant be involved in huge orgies, but there general message was right. Why fight, why bring others the same pain they have brought you. You want to speak of a message of peace and ordance, but all you are really giving them is the same thing they gave us. Why fight a he said she said war of any kind. Just try to be nice to the next person your around. You know some times movies have it right. Take, damn it, I cant remember the name of the movie, but it has Haley Jole Osmond and the chick from mad about you in it. Well the point is that kid was nice to one person, just one simple act of kindness and it made that person think. This kid has no reason at all for helping me, but just to do it. So that made the person do something nice for some other stranger they didnt know. I could sit here and give you a thousand different reasons why you should try to be a good person. Hell Karma, never fuck with Karma. Wether it is God that you believe in or anything at all, there is always repercustions for what you do good or bad. Its just the good always takes longer to get there. Karma is a tricky thing you see. She likes to play, she likes to see how far she can make you scream to see if you will lash out. You just have to learn to take control of your body and just deal, shit happens get over it. Well thats about all i have to say right now so, later
What is there to say when you have nothing to say? Sitting wondering what to scribble down as a thought. What happens when all thought has left you and you sit and wonder why care at all. Why say something when there is nothing to be said. Why always is that there has to be a respons, when there is none. The world is nothing but empty thoughts and plans. What makes this world go round is what i hate about it. The constent need for something to be happening, for the drama to kick in. Thats ok, ill be the one sitting in the back laughing at all of you. Thats why i ask, so why try. Ill take my lonley place in the back. Dont worry about me, im no trouble. In all i just dont care enough. Thats why i will be the one sitting in the back laughing at the insanity most people call real life. Well guess i did have a thought so thats all for now.
Later
You live your life thinking that you are the one that has the control. What happens when it feels like that power is starting to slip. No one truely knows who you are, nor will you alowe anyone to truely know you. Lieing to yourself to make you feel better, when all it does is make you feel worse. Hold that head up high, dont let them see that weak bitch that you are. Put that front on, but why. So others dont see where to hit you were it hurts. But what hurts worse, hiding the soft side or the compassionet side of you, or being that balls out no holds bar bitch that noone wants to fuck with or come close to. Wheres the middle. Is there a middle, and if so how do you use it. Grewing up all you do is hide who you really are, for fear of letting others in only to have them stab that emotional knife right in your gut. Fuck it whats the point anymore. Someone give me a good reason why I should keep trying. Im not talking about offing myself fuck that shit. I have no desire to die what so ever, thats just for weak pussies. Suppose i was right as a little kid when i had that dream that i was going to grow old alone, but what ever shit happens. God i hate sounding like a little bitch. Why couldnt i have lucked out and been a sosceopath, make things a lot easier. I dont know what else to write i guess ill do more later or something.
Later
Where to start, or maybe its the end. Dont know. You go threw life always second guessing yourself. Trying to figure out the right way to go. Why is it no matter which way you go it always seems like your going in the wrong direction. So which one is the right way? Ive never know love so dont know what its like to lose it. Is this emptyness that im always feeling or is this how im supposed to spend my life. Always helping others, making sure they dont lose there love, but never seeing mine. How can i sit here and give others addvice about matters of the hart when it doesnt seem that i have one. Everyone around me seems to have found it if not right now at least once in there lives. I dont know. People tell me try hard, it will come. What ever im done trying. With every day i feel myself becoming more and more cold harted. I wouldnt say i was jaded because in order to be jaded you have to of gone threw something to put you there. Well i suppose im feel i have been jaded by life so guess i am. Well ether way fuck it.
The wicked can never sleep. Never truly sleep in a way everyone else does. Theres no sleep for those who cant look themselves in the mirror, having no care for others that mean nothing to you. The wicked are everywhere, clothed in what is supposed to be the way. Whats the way though. Is it what you think or what others are telling you. There is a point in time when you have to just not care for those that mean nothing and become that wicked person. Just like the song says " There ain't no sleep for the wicked, till we close our eyes for good." To be one of those wicked people can mean many things, the good or the bad. Thats something for you do decided, me thats something i deal with on my own.
Later
Standing in the hot shower, the hot water flowing over you as if it were a confert youve been wanting. Thats in the shower, if life could only be that way. You step out into the fog of your bathroom, the chill reminds you the coldness youve become, or maybe always been. Lifes not like a shower, confert, wormth, nothingness. Have no hart, ha why not. Its more fun that way. Fuck the water, the shower, the confert. The only thing you know is you and your the only person who you know you can count on. I laugh at you if you fall and hurt yourself, hell i laugh when i do it to myself. Im that bitch you dont want to get to that point. But, I love me. Im crazy, a bitch what ever it is you want to say. You think i care, ha, I dont. So stand in that imaginary shower and that confert. Be dince.
Later
