I know alot of you saw my status yesterday when I said I was going through something, well that something was such a huge shock to me that i am still reeling from it.
When I was a very young child I was molested by my mother's boyfriend. I never told a soul. I was talking to my sister yesterday morning and the subject came up and I told her i was sure he (the boyfriend) had to be dead by now...my sister replied, "I know he is". I hesitated and asked her how she was so sure that he was dead and she replied to me that she heard/watched my mother kill him. I have been in therapy my entire life for the crap that happened to me growing up including being physically abused by my mom. Now I find out that in the end she did protect me and I NEVER KNEW! My mother passed away on March 1st 2010 I can not call her up and tell her how sorry i am or how much i love her, I only wish I had known the depths of her love for me regardless of the abuse we suffered at her hands. I had alot of gaps in my memory from repressed memories that have yet to surface and I am afraid that with this information more and more of the pieces are going to fall into place and i do not know if i am ready for that yet :( So for those of you that were wondering what it was that had me all effed up, this is it. I will never forget what happened to me, but now i look back and i cannot imagine my poor sister watching and hearing what was going on in that other room. No wonder she turned out to be an addict. I am amazed that either of us survived our childhoods at all.