jenni's blog: "blonde jokes"

Men's advice to women 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down. 3. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 4. Get rid of your cat. 5. Sunday = TV Sports. 6. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 7. You have too many shoes. 8. Crying is blackmail. 9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 10. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 11. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 12. Simple "yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers. 13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 14. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 16. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 17. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both. 18. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 19. You have enough clothes. 20. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.

I heard a noise - I noticed you were almost asleep You Want - You Want We Need - I Want It's your decision - The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want - You'll pay for this later We need to talk - I need to complain Sure...go ahead - I don't want you to You're certainly attentive tonight - Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! - I'm not having a period This kitchen is so inconvenient - I want a new house...and curtains and carpeting, furniture... Hang the picture there - No, I mean hang it there! Do you love me? - I'm going to ask for something expensive I'll be ready in a minute - Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. You have to learn to communicate - Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? - Too late, your a goner I'm sorry - You'll be sorry. No - Yes Maybe - No Do you like this recipe? - It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it I'm not yelling! - Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Blonde gets drink at the bar A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender. Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"

Blonde learning horse ridding A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Blonde overweight problem A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor. "No, from skipping," replied the blonde

She deserves first class A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

At the soda machine A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

Search for a dead bird A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning. Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

You have won a prize A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!" The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!" The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!" By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes." Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Blonde checking her mailbox A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box." The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."