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Jami's blog: "Jami's Shit"

created on 12/29/2006  |  http://fubar.com/jami-s-shit/b38855  |  2 followers
Blonde Jokes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree? A: Wave Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that's what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay). Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? A: She blew it both times! Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A1: The Blonde! A2: The other guys waiting their turn. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'? A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.' Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump! Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed. Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? A: They can't keep their calves together! Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: Because she blows the horn! Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept having affairs with men! Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A: She picks up her purse and goes home. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod... Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A: They both drip when they're fucked. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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