Sassy Assed Blonde Stiletto GirlsDylon...'s blog: "blonde bombshell"

This one is priceless... A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a Particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they Spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel Schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, With his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he Decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one Letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the Email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her Husband's' funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following A heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and Friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The Widow's' son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the Computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2005 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and You are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and Have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your Arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

> CHECK YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE > > This is upsetting but I thought I should pass it along. Check your > drivers license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the > Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was. > picture and all!! Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our > rights? > > I definitely removed mine. I suggest you do the same. > > Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your n ame, city and > state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the > screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it > from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. > > http://www.license.shorturl.com

something to think about..... Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life. Crucial Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. 1. Tip from Tae Kw on Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! 2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it . As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location. 5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!) 7 If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. 9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door" The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ---- This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well. Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.. Everyone should take 5 minute to read this. It may save your life or love one's life.

Remember, all of you, my friends and loved ones..... IT CAN ALWAYS BE WORSE!!! When you have a 'I Hate My Job' Day, [even if retired you have those sometimes] Try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: 'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. ' Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.' HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

2008 > >Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 > >Number 10 > >Life is sexually transmitted. > > >Number 9 >Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. > > >Number 8 >Men have two emotions: > >Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, > >make him a sandwich . > >Number 7 >Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use >the internet > >and they won't bother you for weeks. > > >Number 6 >Some people are like a Slinky ... Not really good for anything, but you >still can't help but smile > > when you shove them down the stairs. > > >Number 5 >Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying >of nothing. > > >Number 4 >All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to > Criticism. > > >Number 3 >Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax >cut saves you $30.00? > > >Number 2 >In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is >Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. > >And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 : > >We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among >millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't > >got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are >located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of >Immigration . > >" Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. > >What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow " .

Amish Sex An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands. The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'. He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?' The daughter replies: 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?! A REAL HOOT An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands. The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'. He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?' The daughter replies: 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?! A REAL HOOT

Grandma & Grandpa Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensi ve." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," Answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!" Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensi ve." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," Answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

WHO CARES HOW OLD YOU ARE, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST... 'Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, ' Holy sh!t... What a Ride!! '

School 1967 vs. School 2007 Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1967 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers. Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school. 1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students. 1967 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school. 1967 - Mark shares Aspirin with ! the sch ool principal out on the smoking dock. 2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English. 1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. US Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill. 1967 - Ants die. 2007 - Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him. 1967 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing. 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

The Truth About Forwards If You Hate Forwards ** For all of you who delete fwds before you read them, this is for you ** A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind." Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: "When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do -- you forward jokes. When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes." And to let you know that: you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke from me. So my friend, next time if you get a joke, don't think that I have sent you just a joke, but that I have thought of you today and wanted to send you a smile.