1 Always write for an audience.Never write for something you may actually believe in.
2 Use bad grammar and no punctuation. To have a successful blog people should have to make an effort to follow whatever the fuck it is you are talking about. No pain no gain.
3 Swear profusely. Liberal use of fuck and shit will gain kudos but refrain from the use of cunt as it may alienate a potential readership.
4 Choose popular subjects. Slagging off George Bush, relationship difficulties, Paris fucking idiot Hilton.
5. Use the bible as your guide. The word was made truth by it's very existence.
6. Pimp your friend's blogs. They will then pimp yours and you will have access to a greater readership. If nobody else does read it at least you will have your friends signed up to your blog whether they fucking read it or not.
7 . Reply to comments in a negative, couldn't give a fuck kind of way. This makes you look cool and also allows you to shed some of your passive agressive bullshit.
8. If writing about your own life , DO NOT TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH. Everybody's life is way too fucking boring for anybody to have the slightest bit of interest in it. Make up shit that makes you look like a cross between Hugh Hefner and Mother Teresa. You want to be the fucklord that helps the poor.
9. Flame other users. The best plan is to make a pact with your biggest rival and trade insults. Readers will enjoy the banter and very fucking few will realise that its is in fact a sham.
10. Always sign off with a catchy phrase. "Suck my cock" is a little too up front work but something along the lines of "adios wankers" should suffice.
feel the heat
