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created on 03/22/2007  |  http://fubar.com/blog/b66935

50 Years

See what 50 years can do? Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1956- Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2006- School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. ++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1956- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006- Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1956- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class. 2006- Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping. 1956- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006- Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school. 1956- Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2006- Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1956: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. 1956- Ants die. 2006- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him. 1956- In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006- Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Is something wrong here????
Oh Hell Yeah Reposted: One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight,for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also. But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly," Yes, I always wear it and probably always will." The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi. A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman: "Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid." Everyone within hearing distance cheered! IF YOU AGREE____ Pass this on to all your proud American friends. I just did.
Could we each buy at least one thing at Sears this year? How does Sears treat its employees who are called up for military duty? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up... Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution. Suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves. Pass it on. Decided to check this before I sent it forward. So I sent the following e-mail to the Sears Customer Service Department: Received this e-mail and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your company. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item, even if it's cheaper at that store. This is their answer to my e-mail: Dear Customer: Thank you for contacting Sears. The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback. Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time. Bill Thorn Sears Customer Care webcenter@sears.com 1-800-349-4358 Please pass this on to all your friends. Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military!!! It's Verified By Snopes.com at: http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/sears.asp

Sleezy Pottydoodle

OK.....take a minute and laugh!! MY NEW NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT.....DON'T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR NEW NAME IS. We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor... A. Follow the instructions to find your new name. B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer! The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Pr ofes sor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names.. So:- 1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name: a = snickle B = doombah c = goober d = cheesey e = crusty f = greasy G = dumbo h = farcus I = dorky j = doofus k = funky l = boobie m = sleezy n = sloopy O = fluffy p = stinky q = slimy R = dorfus S = snooty t = tootsie U = dipsy v = sneezy w = liver x = skippy y = dinky z = zippy 2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name: a = dippin B = feather c = batty d = burger e = chicken f = barffy G = lizard h = waffle I = farkle j = monkey k = flippin l = fricken m = bubble n = rhino O = potty p = hamster q = buckle R = gizzard S = lickin t = snickle U = chuckle v = pickle w = Hubble x = dingle y = gorilla z = girdle 3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name : a = butt B = boob c = fac e d = nose e = hump f = breath G = pants h = shorts I = lips j = honker k = head l = tush m = chunks n = dunkin O = brains p = biscuits q = toes R = doodle S = fanny t = sniffer U = sprinkles v = frack w = squirt x = humperdinck y = hiney z = juice Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny. Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day .

7 Year Old Sex comments

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. " "I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot." "Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again." "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

Charlie Daniels

HATS OFF TO CHARLIE DANIELS....AT LEAST HE HAS THE COURAGE TO SPEAK HIS MIND!!! I don't know how everybody else feels about it, but to me I think Hispanic people in this country, legally or illegally, made a huge public relations mistake with their recent demonstrations. I don't blame anybody in the world for wanting to come to the United States of America, as it is a truly wonderful place. But when the first thing you do when you set foot on American soil is illegal, it is flat out wrong, and I don't care how many lala-land left heads come out of the woodwork and start trying to give me sensitivity lessons. I don't need sensitivity lessons. In fact I don't have anything against Mexicans! I just have something against criminals. And anybody who comes into this country illegally is a criminal. And if you don't believe it, try coming into America from a foreign country without a passport and see how far you get. What disturbs me about the demonstrations is that it's tanta-mount to saying, "I am going to come into your country even if it means breaking your laws and there's nothing you can do about it." It's an "in your face" action, and speaking just for me, I don't like it one little bit. And if there were a half dozen pairs of gonads in Washington bigger than English peas, it wouldn't be happening. Where are you, you bunch of lily-livered, pantywaist, forked-tongued, sorry excuses for defenders of the Constitution? Have you been drinking the water out of the Potomac again? And even if you pass a bill on immigration, it will probably be so pork laden and watered down that it won't mean anything anyway. Besides, what good is another law going to do when you won't enforce the ones on the books now? And what ever happened to the polls, guys? I thought you folks were the quintessential finger wetters. Well you sure ain't paying any attention to the polls this time because somewhere around eighty percent of Americans want some thing done about this mess, and mess it is and getting bigger everyday. This is no longer a problem, it is a dilemma and headed for being a tragedy. Do you honestly think that what happened in France with the Muslims can't happen here when the businesses who hire these people finally run out of jobs and a few million disillusioned Hispanics take to the streets? If you, Mr. President, Congressmen and Senators, knuckle under on this and refuse to do something meaningful, it means that you care nothing for the kind of country your children and grandchildren will inherit. But I guess that doesn't matter as long as you get re-elected. Shame on you. One of the big problems in America today is that, if you have the nerve to say anything derogatory about any group of people (except Christians,) you are going to be screamed at by the media and called a racist, a bigot, and anything else they can think of to call you Well I've been pounded by the media before, and I'm still rockin' and rollin.' And when it comes to speaking the truth, I fear not. And the truth is that the gutless, gonadless, milksop politicians are just about to sell out the United States of America because they don't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to face reality. And reality is that we would never allow any other group of people to have 12 million illegals in this country and turn around and say, "Oh it's OK, ya'll can stay here if you'll just allow us to slap your wrist." And I know that some of you who read this column are saying "Well what's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong with it. These people could be from Mars as far as we know. We don't know who they are, where they are, or what they're up to. And the way the Congress is going, we're not going to. Does this make sense? Labor force you say? We already subsidize corporate agriculture as it is. Must we subsidize their labor as well? If these people were from Haiti, would we be so fast to turn a blind eye to them? Or if they were from Somalia or Afghanistan ? I think not. All the media shows us are pictures of hard working Hispanics who have crossed the border just to try to better their life. They don't show you pictures of the Feds rounding up members of MS 13, the violent gang who came across the same way the decent folks did. They don't tell you about the living conditions of the Mexican illegal some fat cat hired to pick his crop. I want to make two predictions. No. 1: This situation is going to grow and fester until it erupts in violence on our streets while the wimps in Washington drag their toes in the dirt and try to figure how many tons of political hay they can make to the acre. No 2: Somebody is going to cross that border with some kind of weapon of mass destruction and set it off in a major American city, after which there will be a backlash such as this country has never experienced. And the Capitol building in Washington will probably tilt as Congressmen and Senators rush to the other side of the issue. I don't know about you, but I would love to see just one major politician stand up and say, "I don't care who I make mad, and I don't care how many votes I lose. This is a desperate situation, and I'm going to lead the fight to get it straightened out." I don't blame anybody for wanting to come to America, but if you don't respect our immigration laws, why should you respect any others? And by the way, this is America, and our flag has stars and stripes Please get that other one out of my face. God Bless America Charlie Daniels Yep! I passed it on... I'm sorry, but after hearing they want to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough! Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation - not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY, SPEAK UP! I am not against immigration - just come through like everyone else Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes; live by the rules; and LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past and GODS BLESS AMERICA! PART OF THE PROBLEM Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone, YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by people from other countries who came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice? Think about it! All we have to say is, when will Someone do something about MY RIGHTS? We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems no one has a problem with that. We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, Greek, Polish, Italian, French, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language! "In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women - on Christian principles - founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. It is Time for America to Speak up

1947

THE YEAR WAS 1947! *Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.* *This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered upped by the US Air Force and the government. However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, **exactly nine months after that historic day**:* **Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer, and Barbara Boxer were born.* *See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? * This piece of information may clear up a lot of things!*

Bubba

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.
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