Sorry for the Double blog today, but i think this is a journal entry of mine I would like to share
I've always been the most involved. I've always given the extra effort and been the team leader, seeking utmost victory. I've always felt like I needed to be the biggest and the best to please the people around me. These all sound like admirable traits that many wish they possessed, but being such a perfectionist only makes me feel less perfect. I've always been afraid of failure. This directly causes me to be a workaholic, therefore I am declaring to relax.
Being an overachiever, I am bombarded by standards- standards from my parents and other authority figures, standards from my peers, and mostly, standards from myself. As I reach for the top, these standards push me further away from my goal. The pressure I create for myself through my high expectations is self-destructive and is the source of stress. The effects of my tension wear on my emotions. My goals overshadow my well being, and consequently my ability to care for myself is set aside. I miss meals and I don't sleep enough. I am my own burden. I am my biggest critic. I am my own worst enemy. My life has revolved for so long around a motto that is simply put, but much more difficult to pursue. "Good, better, best. I will never let it rest, until my good is my better, and my better is my best."
If I loosen up, does that make me a slacker? Will people see me as lazy, a quitter, or a failure without a care, traits I've worked hard to avoid? If I miss an opportunity because I took time away from my quest for greatness to take it easy, I may never forgive myself. What if I can no longer do my best, or even improve from my daily monotony? On the other hand, if I don't stray from perfectionism, I may fail the people who care for me, and letting them down is worse than failing on my own terms.
As a result, I further declare to take a break. I declare to sleep without discomfort caused by the time wasted. I will no longer work myself to death. I will see signs of drainage before I am completely empty, and I will rejuvenate myself by whatever means possible. Although I am chilling out, I dare not lose sight of my dreams. I will learn to reach for the stars, but not on such a precarious ladder.
