i doubt that this will get any attention, but im not writing it for you or anyone else...just me...for some strange reason it helps to get it out. i continue to wonder about myself...it seems like everything goes from ok, to great, to horrible sucky in like a week...thats how it always is in my life... then theres the "plane out" period...where everthing is ok...not great, but not horrible either...just survival. then things start to get really awesome, or have the possibility of getting great....and then it allllll goes to fucking hell again. I just wish i could actually get somewhere in life...just for once actually get something i want. i finally have the opportunity to meet someone, and possibly have a relationship with them, but i can't ever seem to leave her alone...im always trying to talk to her, and the more i try, the more fed up with me she seems...its to the point now, that i think she doesn't even want to talk to me...she just does because she doen't want to hurt my feelings. I have no vehicle, no house, only a few good friends left, all the rest bounced out for drugs. i just don't understand why i can't keep anything good in my life...and the more and more i try, the worse things seem to get...i know life isnt all a basket of roses, and i also know there are people out there alot worse off than me...but still....oh well...not like anyone cares anyway...