mindfreak's blog: "I invited you to read"

The importance of Ritual in Creating a Submissive State of Mind

A submissive state of mind is very much an altered state of awareness.   Listen to the quality of her voice change the moment she knows you are actively controlling her.   You may find it grows softer and quieter as she lets slip away the more assertive aspects of her personality, showing you that vulnerable young girl within.   It is often a dramatic transformation and one that at times may leave her very non-verbal.   This state of deep submission is sometimes refereed to as subspace.   It is *the* place where she wants to be and the deeper you can take her, the more intense everything becomes for her.   You can make it easier for her to go into subspace by the use of ritual.   Keeping a certain formality and pattern when leading her into a scene makes it easy for her to recall past events and more easily slip back into a previous deep submissive state.

Building her anticipation for an event is a wonderful way to give her time to get into her submissive head space.   It let’s her imagination come into play and builds up her sexual arousal as she tries to envision what you have in mind for her.   Try telling her firmly to be in your study at a certain time without saying why.   In the meantime, she can indulge in her submissive feelings by wondering what she may or may not have done and she’ll be imagining herself being subjected to all kinds of marvelous things.   Or, in great detail tell her *exactly* what will happen to her at a point in the near future then forbid her to mention it.   See how this works?

There are an almost infinite number of ways to make her feel submissive.   Position and symbology play a great part.   Perhaps the most effective is to place her in a collar.   A collar is a very powerful symbol of ownership, love and commitment and should be treated with great respect.   When she wears your collar she is telling you that she is yours completely and will try as hard as she can to please you in whatever you may ask of her.   It will always be in her mind that she wears her collar for *you*.

Having her assume certain standard slave positions is a way to both signal her that you are now moving into a more formal role with each other and also allow her to return to quickly enter a submissive state of mind.

I like to enhance her state of submission by the use of a unique perfume.   Have her wear it each time you have a special scene with her.   In this way, the scent becomes identified with her submission and the next time she smells it, she will be more easily transported back into the depths that she had reached during your previous scenes.

Attention to Detail

Your attention to detail is important.   You know what you want her to do and it’s important that you communicate that clearly to her.   Beyond that, it has several other purposes.   Not only does it focus her attention on you, but it lets her every day thoughts and stresses in her life fall away, and this is a wonderful escape for her.   As her Master, you want to give her tasks that draw out her submission and if she does allow herself to be distracted, her attention needs to be brought back to you with a few quick swats.   This also allows her to feel that she has *your* attention as much as she has yours.

Limits and Rules

The Desire for Structure A submissive woman often craves more “structure” in her life and there can be many reasons for this.   If her parents acted inconsistently with her, it can often created the longing to know where she stands in relation to them and what is expected from her.   Never knowing what is acceptable and what is not can be a very confusing situation for a child.   By giving your sub very clear limits and rules on her behavior, you are now creating an environment for her where she can relax and be secure in the knowledge of what is expected of her and how she can best please you.

Testing Limits

Setting rules and limits for your slavegirl is extremely important for it is within these boundaries she feels most cared for.   As part of her feeling secure within the relationship, she needs – even unconsciously – to test her limits.   This is an extremely important point.   If she breaks a rule and you let it slide without bringing it to her attention, you are not allowing her to feel safe within your care.   She can’t feel safe within your limits, if the limits are not there or are vague.   This testing process is something that never really stops though at first she will feel the need to test you often until she learns that you will follow through.   The sooner you do that, the quicker she will feel the reality of your concern for her.

A submissive woman *wants* a strong Master, one who sets guidelines on her behavior that are for her own good and then who has the strength and authority to be sure they are followed.   It’s almost impossible for me to emphasize how important a point this is.   The most common and biggest complaint I am told by submissive women is that their Masters are not “strict” enough.   Inconsistency on your part is see by her as a sign of weakness, and she cannot feel submissive to a weak man.

Be Consistent

Remember that her greatest desire is to feel that she has lost control to you and must do as she is told.   If she does not do exactly as instructed she wants to know there will be a consequence, for if there is not, she will not feel your control of her is real.   If you let her down by allowing her to get away with breaking her rules, she will feel that your control over her is not real.   It’s like saying you don’t care for her enough to watch over her and she will feel a very definite lack of attention from you.

Some Examples of Rules and Limits

The kinds of rules and limits you set for your slavegirl depend on your wishes and insight as to what you feel is best for her, taking into great consideration her goals for herself.   I would suggest that in the beginning, the fewer rules you have for her the better.   This way she can be very clear on what is expected of her and it will make it easier for you to enforce them.   Sit down with her and discuss the rules you feel she needs.   I think you’ll find she knows exactly what they are and will welcome your help in “assisting” her to accomplish them.

Household chores are a good starting point.   Make a list of daily chores for her and see that they are done such as making the bed, all kitchen dishes put away, etc.   Hold frequent inspections. Remember, she will need to test you very much at first and only when she feels sure she’ll be disciplined for not doing them will she be able to get them done knowing she has no choice about it – which will be a tremendous relief to her.

Here is a quote that shows the subs desire for having rules:   “I am very good at “rules”… I like to feel like the man has control in many ways.   Not in my work life or who I can talk to and such but in our personal relationship.   Little things like what I am to wear when with him… or certain behaviors I am supposed to follow… my Dom used to have me kneel as soon as we were alone together, and riding in the car I was to always have my skirt hiked up. “

Spankings and Discipline

It is very thrilling for your sub to know she is subject to your discipline.   She wants rules and limits set for her and knows that there will be consequences for not obeying them.   If there are no consequence then she cannot feel the control that she longs for.   Accepting a spanking where the focus is on correcting her behavior rather than for her own pleasure is proof of her submission to you.   It makes your control of her very real.   There is a big distinction between a spanking given for the pure enjoyment of it and one given as punishment.   Though many pleasure spankings are given under the guise of a punishment for misbehaving, it’s clear that the focus is on its eroticism and the “punishment” aspect is just a pretense.

Some submissive women would never want a spanking they thought was given as a punishment.   For them, it is a completely pleasurable experience and they don’t want them to be associated with a punishment” in any form.

However, there are some submissive women who *love* to be spanked as a punishment and there are several reasons for this.   We all grew up knowing that spankings were given as a punishment and though now as adults we find them pleasurable, the connection between spankings and punishment still remains and can be a very hot erotic trigger for the sub.   If she started having spanking fantasies at a young age when having your bottom paddled and being punished are one in the same, they will often revolve around the idea of being punished for some reason, whether real or imagined.

Due to societies generally negative view of d/s and s/m, many women who crave a spanking or whipping often have great conflicts about it, wondering how they could possibly be so “strange” or “weird”.   It is often not an easy admission to make, so it’s much easier to rationalize the desire for a spanking by connecting it to a wrong doing in order to “earn” a spanking rather than having the freedom to simply ask their lover for one.

The Desire to be Perfect

There is a tendency in some submissive women to be “perfect”.   Though this can be an admirable goal, it can often be taken to extremes and that’s something to be aware of.   I am now talking about the desire to strive to improve, to make an effort to do the best job possible, and as we know, that takes a great deal of energy.   Here is a quote that illustrates this point: “I started thinking about why punishment appealed to me and I wasn’t sure if it was just another way to test limits… or the thought of the luxury of having something to “make” me do the things I really want to do anyway… but, instead, I allow life (work, fatigue) get in the way.   “I have very high expectations for myself… I am lucky in the fact that I am intelligent and beautiful… but I think given these "gifts” that they should be utilized to the fullest extent…“

A submissive woman like this wants to be "pushed” into making a greater effort with herself.   She knows what she is capable of achieving and wants help in making it a reality.   To me, this is one of the most positive aspects of spankings treated as a punishment.   As her Master, your responsibility is to take care of her and to see she does what is best for her.   You need to work with her to be sure her rules and limits are for her own benefit and help her to meet her own personal goals.   If structured this way, the focus of the spanking is not because she was “bad”, but rather she is being spanked to help her improve herself.   In this way, your discipline of her is another way you can show her you love and care.

Here is a quote from a woman who loves the thought of being punished for not meeting her own standards of behavior for herself.

“One of my fantasies is to have someone in my life just for the purpose of correcting my faults.   He would make me keep a list of all my misbehaviors.   Being lazy at work, or late.   Eating junk food, or not going to the gym.   Being rude to people unnecessarily.   I would have to keep a list, and once a week he would come and read the list.   Or more.   And he would make me describe each incident, he would lecture me about it, he would establish a separate punishment for each offense on the list.   And I would be told over and over what I’m being punished for, or would be required to recite it to him.   Twelve swats of the paddle for this.   Six strokes of the cane for that, you know.   He would read them off the list in random order, call me out of the corner at any moment to take my next licking, send me back to the corner afterwards.”

This is one of my favorite quotes because it so clearly illustrates the connection between behavior and its punishment.   There is no doubt in her mind on why she is being punished and she accepts her punishment knowing how much it will help her to improve her behavior in the future.

For a sub, it is quite a luxury to have a disciplinarian in their life and to not have to rely solely on their own will-power.   We all have chores to do that are not particularly enjoyable and if left undone it weighs on our minds and becomes a burden.   As her Master, you can provide the “incentive” she needs to get what needs to be done finished and out of the way so it does not hang over her and drain her energy.

The thought and anticipation of being punished for not doing something is often extremely exciting and this enables the sub to tap into her sexual energy to complete her chores.   For example, scrubbing the kitchen floor is not much fun but the knowledge that she’s in for a good spanking if it’s not completed can add tremendous sexual energy to her task.

You can also assist her in this by telling her that her work will be “inspected” and if not found adequate she’ll be disciplined.   By the way, the word “inspection” is a very *hot* trigger for most subs.   Knowing her work will be reviewed helps her to focus on the task at hand to do the kind of quality job she really wants to do but has to struggle with finding sufficient energy.