badadam's blog: "venting"

I love to vent whenever I can.... I doubt that a lot of people care about it or even read tis but I need to let off steam once in a while. I work in Forensics and I see the horrible shit that people can do to others and never question why they do it... hell I dont even care really. My job is to determine how they did it, document it all and give that information to others up the chain. I distance myself emotionally from everything and feel like I am a robot some days just plugging away. Homicides, suicides, rapes, robberies, assaults, arsons... its all the same... a crime that needs my attention to help the victims that either cant say anything or made the choice not to say.... I feel I am good at what I do and some co-workers see my dedication. Others, like the administration never see nor do they fucking care about my job because its beneath them. I am fine with that. What is bugging me lately is sitting here alone.... waiting for call outs.... my mind never stops working. I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships and wonder why I always end up alone... why I choose the ones that deep down I know will hurt me, use me and dump me like trash? Is this karma's way of telling me to be more sympathatic instead of empathatic? or am I just that kind of guy that should just be alone? I guess its a question I will have to figure out on my death bed.....