gypsy jezzabella's blog: "Noticed"

Its been along time sense I looked up on the faces of my children and did not wonder if the choices i made was the right ones for them.Today I looked into the face of an inocent child as he lay helpless in that bed the results of noone who loved him. Am I destained to follow in his mothers foot steps? Have I fought this long to protect them just to watch them slip away?

Its been along time sense I was able to smile and feel happy about myself. How can the things I do or say ever change anything in this small but crowded world. If the choice I made today changed the way things worked tomorrow then every thought I had would go to make this a better world that my children may live in.

Its been a long time sense I was able to walk into a room and feel like i belonged there. Its been days, month and years sense i was able to feel myself. to trust my heart and my mind. The voices I hear are not mine but those around me. I hear there pain and there sorrow. There love and hate. There happiness and there anger. Will I ever know how to feel or maybe I have never felt to begin with.

Its been along time sense I sat here and wrote these crazy thoughts of mine. Time have moved so quickly that it seems just like yesterday that I myself was a small child free of lifes most crazy thoughts and of the hearts most breaking moments. In a flash it was all gone lost in the night shattered and scattered amongst the four winds.

Its been a long time sense I was me. Will I ever see myself as I was before. as my body slowly slips into the confinements of time age and deseise leaves there forever scars upon my skin. my minds begins to wonder into the depths of the darkness to never find its way back. my heart long lost to the cruelty of this world. I am trapped I am me I am no more here.

HOPE

Hope is but that which those who search for answers to questions not yet asked

Hope is thinking there is an end to the suffering that which fills the void we create

Hope is found in the waters of the falls bearing down upon the earth

Hope is found in a kind word from a stranger across the street or across the sea

Hope is a light in the darkness of time fallin into the obis of depression

Hope can be found under a rock or in a tree around the corner or within our hearts

Hope is never far away when one seeks it out amongst the seas of hatred

Hope is all around us in the air we breath or the water we drink

Hope is just hope when hopelessness finds a home in our dispare

Hope can be a friend in a time of need or a smile on the face of a child

Hope cannot be lost unless we loose ourselves within the madness of our own world

5/31/14

Is but one who I long to hold in my arms, Is but one who holds my heart in their hands.

Stolen in the night a life so precious as thee, Stolen in the night a child so innocent and sweet.

Gone is my heart that night long ago, Gone is my soul he took from me.

I wake to find darkness surrounding me I wake to find sadness fills my mind.

I bare the scars of that frightful night, I bare the scars of the years I've lost.

I sought death in the falls of a cliff, I sought death in a bottle of pills.

I looked to find an end in the waters of the sea, I looked to find peace in the barrel of a gun.

I walked the beaches of icy waters I walked the path of the bears.

The sun is rising to another day, The sun is bringing life of spring.

What must I do to find some peace, What must I have done anger thee.

I searched the skies lands and seas I searched for the hope of finding thee.

Am I truly alone in all I do, Am I truly forsaken in the eyes of all?

Is there but one who see's the beauty in me? Is there but one who loves me?

Can anyone see past the scars on and in me? Can anyone see Iam truly not bad?

I ask now is there anyone who would miss me? I ask now speak if you even care!

Heavenlee Dawn aka Chell 11/7/2013

Once again the Night fades away into Day

As my mind remembers days long past.

The darkness creeps upon me as the light

chases the shadows for another day.

Long past has my heart turned to ice

As Memories of that night burn at my soul.

My eyes still see the flames in the Night

as my ears fill with those dying cries.

The morning wakens the song birds of the day

as the Birds of the night nestle down to sleep.

A lonely tear streaks down my face

as I slowly realize I no longer feel.

The sirens wale in the distance 

drowning out the pain I could not bare.

The ocean tosses it's waves upon the shore

as a lonely soul drifts aimlessly into the deep.

A heart stopped too long ago

what life could live without it's beat.

I welcome the waters into my lungs

as the peace I saught over comes me.

But as life is not certain neither is death,

again i wake to find the pain still here.

As many a times I have longed for death

I saught it in the earth sea and air.

I breath in as the darkness once again

creeps over me leaving me empty inside.

Tonight is the night the missery ends

so I say goodbye to this world.

Oh do not cry and do not be sad

finally Iam free to be with my heart.

Heavenlee Dawn aka Chell 11/7/2013

Have you ever noticed...?

Have you ever noticed that noone is as they seem?

There is no Black and White but Billions of shades of grey.

There are those who seem to be nice to get what they want,

there are those who are to hide the pain inside.

Have you ever noticed that noone notices?

Noone sees the pain you feel when noone notices

They do not care nor even share a moment of time, 

they are too busy or too blind to see the hurt they cause.

Have you ever noticed that people cry out for help in different ways.

No two people express themselves in the same ways.

Some yell, Some cry, some hurt themselves,

Others do not notice the quiet ones until its too late.

Have you ever noticed the ones hurting the most are the ones all alone?

Locked away from the cruel world, the heartless millions, the endless pain.

They hide in there homes with no family or friends,

they wither away desperately seeking that one person who cares.

Have you ever noticed how cruel people can be?

Hatred and rage tears and sorrow pain and heartbreak.

The quiet one secretly screaming out for a friend,

the one in the corner crying all alone that noone notices.

Have you ever noticed the world moves so fast it cant notice anything?

Spinning around day after day so happy and free wrapped in there perfect little bubble.

Someday they will see that they didnt noticed the girl whos always alone,

or the boy who bullies cause noone cares or the one who who'd rather die than live.

Have you ever noticed you didnt see hear or try?

Busting along in your perfect world only seeing your own problems.

Someday you will pass her the one who has finally given up,

the one who sot out a friendship in you and you blew them off.

Have you ever noticed that you could have a made a difference?

Taking a min to ask a simple how are you? or is everything ok?

Someday I hope when you need it most you dont find you have noone,

that you never find yourself hurting so much and ending up completely alone.

Have you ever noticed that noone notices?

Dont wait till its too late, Dont wait till you cant do anything.

Slow yourself down and look around,

make a difference in the world one person at a time.

NOTICE

10/18/2013 Chell aka Heavenlee Dawn

Notice Me

As the nights drag on the tears flood my eyes. 

Am I but a ghost in everyones eyes?

I dream of being a part of their world

I long to be more than a speck in this world.

The days drag by in hopes someone says hi

The disappointment fills my eye for there is only goodbye

Am I but invisible trapped within this life?

Am I to go on as a nobody throughout life?

How can I make them see

how much this means to me?

Can I forever live in a world where noone wants me?

Can it be that I am not ment to be?

Someday soon they will see

Someday when I am gone they will Notice me.

Remember Me with Smiles and Laughter

For that is how I'll remember you all

But if you can only Remember me with tears and Sorrow

Then Don't Remember Me at all!

Notice this

I sit here thinking how sweet life really is

How someone can whisper your name a thousand miles away

and you hear it in your heart.

I sit here thinking how crazy life really is 

How someone can come into your life and fill you with so much love

and fill your life up and open your heart.

I sit here thinking how messed up life really is

How someone can say a simple sintence 

and make you wonder whats really in your heart.

I sit here thinking how great life really is

How someone can make you feel alive 

and at same time make you want to cut out your heart.

I sit here thinking how wonderful life really is

How someone came into your life one day 

and you cant think of them ever not being there cause they stole your heart.

I sit here thinking how amazing life really is

How someone can mean so much to you 

and how they never know how much love for them is in your heart.

I sit here thinking how blind life really is

How someone can not see that they mean so much to me

and how really alone it feels when they say the things that break your heart.

I sit here thinking how simple life really is

How someone can be so kind

and still have someone be so mean and break your heart.

I sit here thinking how meaningless life really is

How someone noone everyone can hurt you with simple words

and how people wont even notice you when you dont have a heart.