XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "poetry"

Days after the attack , 

it still feels unreal 

 like watching bad movie or something ... 

But we finally get to see all the face of those who were taken from in this senseless act of violence... 

I can't ust act like it never happened ... 

in some ways i wish icould live in a blissful state of ignorance ... 

but then i wouldn't be honoring the lives of people whose lives were taken...

 

Hate ... 

Kills... 

So sad i concentrate on playing this game ... 

 i just can't ... 

i have no words ... 

maybe silence is better ... 

We need more love in this world .. 

Less hate ... 

I am completely devasted to hear about the loss of Christina Grimmie.. just a few days ago .. 

Shot while at her own concert

 

And now to hear about Orlando as well ... 

What is this world coming to ? 

When did it become ok , to kill others without a second thought ? 

So many innocent people.. 

Whether we are Hetero sexual , Bi sexual , Or gay ..  black , white or any race,  it shouldn't not matter in the grand scheme of things ... 

Why cant we tolerate , and dare i say try to understand , instead of killing or harming , bullying .. or using  any other form of violence... 

 

Hate seems to accepted ! More than love of each other .. 

More than love of humanity ... 

Hate is taught .. 

Why are we teaching this ?

Only blood  shed will only end , if we stand strong and united against it ... 

Fifty people died last night ! 

What a tragedy.... 

 

Bring back love .. bring a sense of humanity and togetherness... 

or be prepared for others to continue the blood shed without a second thought... 

On days like this .. i wish i wasn't human ... 

i wish i could go far away from the hate of this earth ... 

My heart is truly saddened... 

May all their souls rest in peace .... 

...

Why 

Why fall in lvoe with people  who only break our hearts ? 

Why do onlysee , the first layers and call it enough ? 

Why is love such a complicated business ? 

Why do suffer for things that others will gives freely ? 

 

Is there some kind of way to stop falling for those who arent good for us ? 

Is there some other path to take ? 

Sometimes i want to lock my precious heart so tight in box , where noone can find it ... 

where noone can play games with it ... 

Where the only the only it would open would if my soulmate came along with the key to my heart ... 

 

We feel like such fools when we don't love , we feel like such fools sometimes when we do ? 

Why is it so hard to hard if its genuine or not ? 

Love is not a game .... 

Love is pure in it essence...

Love should never be a weapon ... 

Or so much conquest in the sense of it have titles .. to own like land ...

Real love mustbe  about freedom 

Freedom to be ones self , freedom to explore , a sense of togetherness.. 

 

Please dont waste my time or bend my ear if what you have is not genuine ... 

I dont want to be your next foolish girl ... 

I'd be alone and happy ... 

then waiting to find out if you cared or not ? 

In times past there was so much more repsect for love ... 

And everyone in it .... 

Now it seems like love is just status symbol ... 

Like bbeing together is only for the crowds ... 

I dont want that kind of love ... 

I want the real thing ... 

I want the true partner ship .. 

I want the getting to know you .. with our clothes on .. 

I want the cute dates ... 

I want the making out ...slowly 

I want less expectations of what others want it to be .. and more of what i know it to be ... 

Love or lack of fove , seems to be the one thing is our lives that can sens us on our on path to self destruction ...

So why do we go through all of this ? 

What is it about love makes want to do the impossible ? 

Sometimes what we think is love is only lust , and obession ... 

it will pass ... 

Love remains after all is said and done...

Love fights against all odds ... 

Real lcve comes with a sense of honour and pride ... 

A sense of belonging ...

But what you think is love is all about hiding or showing of chances are its not love... 

Its lust or obession ... 

But still we try ..oh why .. oh why ? 

Only Thirteen 

 and it seems like just yesterday you were nine or ten ... 

Time flies ... 

Your only thirteen but it seems like your growing up so fast ... 

And im struggling to keep up ... 

Its hard .... 

I think as mothers we always worry ... 

As a motherless Daughter i worry about , being there to see you grow up ... 

Your so beautiful ... 

So innocent in some ways .. yet grown and sophicated in others ... 

I will do everything in my power to protect you .. and teach you to protect yoursel from the things and the people in this world that could harm you ... 

I pray that i will outlive my mum , and be there to see you graduate .... 

To see you travel the world if you wish to... 

To be there for you ... so you can call whenever you need to ... 

Be there for the more important moments of your life ... 

Today was so special to me , im sure i will remember it forever ... 

We were shopping lie my mum taught me ... 

And now its almost time for your first dance ... 

I love you so much .... 

You are awesome!

And only Thirteen...

Please God not her ... 

Were just getting close again ... 

I'm not ready to lose her ... 

I'm scared .... 

 

She is  my Adopted Mum 

No more Cancer , Lord 

Please ....

Gosh i hate Cancer ... 

Its so vile and heartless... 

 

its not cancer yet , but its definately time to pray and find strength ... 

I just dont want to lose her ... 

Or the family to lose her .... 

Why are brightest stars in this world plagued with the darkest of journies ? 

Yet it seems the coldest heartless peopless live out the desires of thier heart ... hurting , torturing others 

and they live into old age... 

Life can be so very cruel ... 

But if there is hope ... hold onto it so tight ... 

Maybe , just maybe everything will be alright ... 

 

Coming home 

From a visit , im happy and sad at the same time...

so happy ive seen you .. but then i realize how much i miss you ... 

And i feel like crying ... 

it's hard , but its worth it ... 

Every week i go through the same expereince .. like my Dad did ... 

 

So many people judge you for doing the right thing ... 

oh but your the mother , why doesn't she live with you they say ... 

Father's are just as important there's alot he needs to teach her too ... 

Besides she wanted to live with him ... 

I wasn't about to force her to stay ... 

And tell her that what love is? ... 

No she's happy where she is ... 

And im part of her life too ... 

Judge me if you will ... 

I don't care .... 

I love her with all my heart , and soul and all my being ...

and i want the best for her .. and right now its not living with me ... 

 

No Title

 Where are you now my friend ? 

I wish there was more i could do ... 

I'm so worried  about you ... 

And if ... u dissapear ... 

Then what .... 

I dont know ... 

I wish had more to give .. yet i dont know 

Why is the world the way it is .. 

I cant for fight for you .. but i can fight with you ... 

yet it seems ... 

 Even that .. will not be a choice ... 

Beyond what i know of our friendship .. We enter the unknown

Now we enter a stage of darkness... of depression .. so deep so painful .. that the wall themselves seem impossible to climb 

I've been there down in that dark place ... 

Where it seemed like almost no light creept into that tunnel ... 

My heart was so numb .. from pain .. my whole body ached .. 

And i no longer wished to be here on this planet .... 

it hurt to breathe ... to think , to exist...

The day she died ... The day buried her , the day i left my family , not knowing when or how id ever see them again ... 

The day he broke my heart and it shattered into a million pieces on the floor .... these are all times i wanted to give up ....Prayed not to awake .. 

Even the sun's shinings rays ... 

Couldn't make my heart feel new again ...

 But the ones i love , somehow convinced me not to give up hope ... so the smallest seed of hopeand love grew in my heart , in my soul ... 

and that seed of hope was watered by the ones i loved and every day with lvoe , kindness and compassion it grew bigger... 

I wont say , there aren't when i don't want to be here , but because it all seems too much ... 

But the seed of hope that was plantedlong ago  is now a small tree... and it can be destroyed so easily any more... 

And there so many people in the world i live for .....

I love them , more then me .... 

And i can't bear to place the saddest burden upon their hearts....

So i can't let my thoughts dwell too long in that place where the light never creeps in ... 

instead i see the beauty of the world ... 

I see the flowers , the roses, the brilliant sunsets of florida, the street art .. 

I see the hearts of people both good and bad ... but im no judge ... just an observer ... 

A writer conected forever to the soul of this old world... 

Connected to the love ... 

Connected to the hope ... 

Connected to the pain .... 

Connected to the Anger ... 

 

And im so sick of people saying that tears make s weak , who said ... 

Tears themselves are not the enemy either is being weak for at times humans must be .. for them ot value being strong ...

But the longer we dwell in that place with no light , that place becomes the place we know and want to stay ... because beyond it is unknown and scary 

 

But now with all my lifes expereinces i can dwell in places of lil comfort and find ways to surive... 

Because it is in those places we grow the most as person... as a soul  ... 

Without them , we do not change ....

We do not value what it is we have ... 

But its human .. and we are allowed to be human to make mistakes ... 

It is ok to fall on ones faces ... in a pud of mud... 

We just have to get up up again even with the pain , the embarassment  etc ... slowly carefully , and wash one's face .. and choose to continue on ... 

We fall so much as toddlers... When ou mothers see us , they must choose not to over react to us falling .. because than we as the child fear walking .... 

As adults it seems we must fear living ... 

And being in places and times of our lives with uncertainity... with the unknown ... 

But what is life without those places , those experiences ? 

I have to beleive that there is more ... 

There is so much more beyond ... 

that life can be , and for me must be alive ... 

with feeling , passion, love , sadness , sorrow , anger ... all of these ... 

expereince must be also ... 

But it is not the end only ... part of the journey ... 

My heart feels heavy ... 

Thinking that you my friend ... 

Will not be here to see and expereince all of this ... 

For brighter days will come ... 

Love you Always beyond here into the next ...

 

For at times we must full of sorrow , and ache to value the true joy of happieness.... 

Sometimes we must lose everything .. to start anew .... 

it doesn't makes us weak it makes us stronger... 

 

Oh my friend i wish i carry you across with ocean of despair ... 

across this ocean of hopelessness you feel so deep inside your heart .... 

I wish i could make you want to stay longer on this planet , in this world ... 

But some choices are not ours to make ... 

Some remain with the person... 

My friend i wish you well , with all that is my heart ... 

your journey is long .... Your feet are tired ... 

I love you and if you leave this world i will miss you ... 

This world is full of such fake people ... 

People can be so two faced ... 

So cruel ....

 It just makes me angry 

and long for the days before all this bullshit was so acceptable by common society 

 

Even the children seem to have thier inocence taken at a younger age , by the things they see , by the things do ... 

And even because thier parents aren't home to watch them like they used to ... 

Cause parents are both out there working 40 hours weeks 

and barely bringing home enough to pay the bills ... 

Its crazy how much the world can change over a short time in histroy .. 

And guess what i bet it will be worse for this generation growing up now ... 

Who knows whats thier kids will experience etc .... 

Its hard to imagine that this world could be any more fake ... 

but i guess its possible ... 

We are one of the most ego centric generations ... 

Scientifically its been proven , that taking masses and masses of selfies helps promotes narcacism

Being pretty makes you no more special than the rest of us , and we shouldn't treat girls like they are ...

or guys , or anyone really ..

More egos then egos than sense ... 

This generation has the most knowledge available to them , but for the most part decides to be the most ignorant ...

 Crazy huh ? 

It just drives me crazy sometimes how little people care about others ... 

and its not rare ... its common place 

and seems rare to care ... 

Which again i think is bullshit !

Send out your Angels , Lord

send them out today ... 
send them to my friends to take the pain away ...  send them to the children ... 
who do not feel like they are loved .. 
 send them to the homeless , to show them there's hope from above... 
send them to the sick to comfort , in their struggle .. 
send them to dying .. So they'd never die alone ... 
send them to the lonely .. Who seem like their shadow is their only friend ... 
send them to the strong , cause everyone needs a good friend .. 
send those out to all those in need .. 
To protect all our loved ones .. To protect them from the things they need .. 
These Angels , would give out hugs , and the perfect words to comfort who need ... Those Angels would protect the children from the evil ways of mankind... 
Angels would cover the world with love and hope , give strength to the ones having having to fight ..

I wonder what Lennon would say 

if he could see the world today ?

Would he cry for all the innocents lost ? 

Would he cry for the soliders who paid the ultimate cost ? 

Would he smile , that women were finally getting some of thier rights ? 

Would he like the music we play , or the some of lyrics we write ? 

I can only imagine what he say ... 

 

He wanted peace ... 

He wanted brotherhood and sisterhood... 

But its seems its as fleeting as a rainbow... 

He'd want love ... for all man .. 

regardless of race... 

Why is this world filled with so much hate? ... 

The more we learn the less we know ... 

The more we know , the less we care ... 

Why? 

Oh why ....

We're becoming so densitized .. 

We as society beleive so many lies... 

Were becoming as whole so numb .. 

So unaware... 

Together but strangers ... 

Walking in hand in hand .. but on our phones ... 

Talking but not really listening ..

waiting to speak .. 

only so few left who care .. 

who genuinely just want to be there ..... 

who value time , companion , heart , soul and loyalty... 

it's a crazy world we live in ...

 

When I sleep let me dream of peace , of brother and sisterhood of a time when others cared .. journies were treasured together ...forever .. family wasn't just a word ... 

When people liked to help each other .. just to be kind .. oh how sometimes it be nice to rewind part of history .. fast forward others... 

Let me remember te lyrics to that anthem .. Imagine ... 

What would Lennon say if he could see the world today ... 

And when i wake , my strength to face the journey that lays ahead... 

where hearts seem lost .. Pain is so deep

and so much innocence is dead ... 

some i pray will wake up and become aware .. and join the journey ...

some will stay happy to be asleep ... 

and unaware.. some will give up ... 

Look at how many commit suicide day by day ... 

Thier goals, thier dreams they allow to die .. thier families realize too late ... 

It seems like this death has been full of death ... 

We need not waste a single breath .. 

But we humans are strange creatures it sometimes takes us to lose everything to realize the value of what we had ... 

Such is the irony of life ... 

just imagine what Lennon would say if he see if he could see the world today ...

Imagine...