I keep trying to find the answer but I guess I will never know. Why does this kind of stuff happen to me? Why do I always end up in impossible situations? Do I put myself in these problems? Do I open myself up to them? Why is it that I know I will always get hurt no matter what? I keep thinking maybe this time will be different, but it never is. Why is it that i shut everyone out but people always find a way in? I try so hard to not let people see the real me cause then it opens myself up for pain but there are a select few that worm their way in or just come through kicking the walls down no matter how many I put up. Why is it that there is always a few people who know your weaknesses no matter how hard you try to hide it. It takes me months to let people into my heart however there are a few that have gotten through in a matter of days without me even knowing. Then i realize this all too late once they have the tools to hurt me. Why must it be that way? Why can't I keep them, well mainly one person particular, out? Why was he able to do this to me? Why was he able to make me worry about him at the drop of a hat? Why am I so easily taken by him? Is not like he is any different than the others. He is still a man that I care for very much but he is a man, and men tend to hurt me. How do I know this one is different even though I have put my life on hold for him. Should I have don't that or should i say fuck it. And if i say fuck it what if he was the one I was men to be with? But what if I sit here waiting I miss the person I am supposed to be with? Yes there are a few people that I care for deeply but I am not sure I am ready for the kind of relationship they want because of this one guy who was able to break the walls down, the one guy that I melt at the sound of his voice or a hint of smile. No one has ever been able to hold this kind of power over me and it bothers me that I let this happen without even seeing it first. I feel that this is a sign on weakness. I can not be seen as weak then people can hurt me. However I am taking a chance with this so here you have it a glimpse into my head and heart.
