2,395,065 fubar members | 56,171 online | new members
Be famous: Book a Happy HourTM!


Over 2,395,065 people are fubar.
What are you waiting for? Join now!

Confessions of a late twenties drama king
 
author:
ŁŬĐĀĶŸŽ™ " R/L ...
Offline (167K to godfather..off to bed)
Murray, KY
last post:2008-11-05 08:20:12
posts: 68views: 1987
who can view:everyone.
who can comment:everyone.


this blogs newest posts
Goin down the only road I've ever known
2008-11-05 08:20:11 (9 views)
Bowl shaking earthquakes of doubt and remore, assail him, impail him with monster truck force
2008-08-26 22:46:03 (11 views)
The infectious nature of a 5 year old
2008-07-12 19:49:57 (27 views) (4 comments)
Just to let you know
2008-07-02 09:34:15 (28 views) (3 comments)
This is why I'm gone
2008-06-30 21:27:49 (27 views) (5 comments)
Its been awhile
2008-06-14 19:02:52 (37 views) (4 comments)
Hooray for replies
2008-04-30 18:45:30 (34 views)
Kids and their threats
2008-04-30 16:40:00 (22 views)
My impossible happiness
2008-03-13 19:12:27 (56 views) (2 comments)
Now who has the problem
2008-03-03 11:12:55 (34 views) (2 comments)
The Ghetto Diaries
2008-02-23 22:53:40 (34 views) (2 comments)
Tonight's eclipse
2008-02-20 21:41:40 (22 views)
What a craptastic day
2008-02-14 19:54:17 (17 views) (1 comments)
10 things
2008-02-13 16:43:15 (22 views)
wow..just...wow
2008-02-04 00:41:52 (24 views)
My 100
2008-02-03 08:42:04 (16 views) (1 comments)
Wher'd they go
2008-01-11 20:35:41 (45 views) (1 comments)
And this bird you cannot change
2008-01-11 20:18:55 (26 views) (1 comments)
The Challenge
2008-01-08 13:08:36 (19 views)
Ok I'll bite
2008-01-02 10:23:03 (18 views)
Learn from the past
2007-12-14 12:31:34 (28 views) (1 comments)
ADD but with sounds
2007-12-05 11:10:02 (20 views) (2 comments)
Another life lesson learned from scrubs
2007-12-01 16:12:36 (38 views) (4 comments)
So who is it really
2007-11-15 06:14:59 (44 views) (4 comments)
Fuckin kids
2007-11-09 08:46:36 (32 views) (3 comments)
time for what I want
2007-11-05 15:18:55 (45 views) (5 comments)
Everyone needs a role model
2007-11-03 14:45:46 (22 views)
The struggle continues
2007-11-01 16:16:36 (24 views) (1 comments)
random thoughts
2007-10-31 13:05:01 (22 views) (3 comments)
It's stuck in my head
2007-10-26 10:28:04 (16 views)
What's next?
2007-10-23 10:51:07 (31 views) (3 comments)
the details
2007-10-21 13:35:57 (30 views) (2 comments)
This ain't fuckin myspace
2007-10-17 14:27:17 (39 views) (4 comments)
Confessions of a late twenties drama addict
2007-10-17 09:44:33 (32 views) (1 comments)
I'm only happy when its complicated
2007-10-08 06:43:51 (38 views) (4 comments)
Family
2007-09-19 17:11:32 (18 views) (1 comments)
Clarification
2007-09-11 10:26:50 (15 views)
On This Day I See Clearly Now
2007-09-10 19:34:15 (15 views)
yeah its a rant
2007-09-04 10:56:13 (23 views) (3 comments)
Kind of a rant
2007-08-29 11:50:04 (19 views)
A rant
2007-08-28 19:38:30 (28 views) (4 comments)
High School Never Ends
2007-08-28 11:15:05 (16 views) (2 comments)
When You're Evil
2007-08-23 18:51:12 (13 views)
I'm still alive
2007-08-16 15:35:35 (18 views)
The bellybutton explination
2007-06-17 21:40:10 (36 views) (2 comments)
A rant
2007-06-09 21:53:13 (33 views) (1 comments)
Hate Me
2007-05-19 22:25:54 (29 views) (1 comments)
I have changed a bit
2007-05-19 16:19:15 (22 views)
Just about reunion time
2007-05-18 00:16:55 (16 views)
Songs being redone
2007-05-12 01:26:53 (21 views)
Fuck everybody wins
2007-04-23 16:08:25 (25 views) (1 comments)
Friend or foe
2007-04-18 21:14:02 (31 views)
FIrst written poem in about 4 years
2007-03-17 00:01:18 (40 views) (1 comments)
A dream come true.. kind of
2007-03-04 22:16:23 (48 views) (2 comments)
Real Life
2006-11-30 14:59:05 (43 views)
Random boredom induced thought
2006-11-25 10:10:18 (35 views) (1 comments)
Its late
2006-11-17 23:31:08 (34 views)
Fuck MTV
2006-11-17 21:22:32 (39 views) (2 comments)
Musically speaking
2006-11-17 21:14:24 (30 views)
Stupid people and my sense of humor
2006-11-17 19:31:55 (30 views)
Damn laptops
2006-11-17 19:04:25 (29 views)
more stupidity
2006-11-14 10:59:03 (34 views)
Here's a rant
2006-11-13 17:47:06 (31 views) (1 comments)
need sleep but can't
2006-11-13 00:24:47 (34 views)
My love for redheads
2006-11-13 00:06:14 (32 views)
Disney radio
2006-11-13 00:00:44 (29 views)
Confuision explained
2006-11-11 12:56:29 (33 views)
Drinking time
2006-11-09 09:41:17 (33 views)
(see all)


other blogs by this author
blogPostsLast Post
Confessions of a late twenties drama king682008-11-05
Boredom Personified aka sureys and the like12007-10-23
Poetry52007-05-27
subject:Another life lesson learned from scrubs
post date:
views: 38 comments: 4 ratings: 0
 
In an episode of scrubs Carla said something along the lines of "And when you finally get down off your high horse and see yourself the way everyone sees you, you won't be smiling anymore." So that is what I'm going to attempt to do. Look at myself after I step outside the box if you will. No this is not going to be a pity me thing its just shit on my mind I have to get out there, and I WANT any and all crticism constructive or otherwise to come from you my friends regarding this. I've had some shit thrown in my face the past few days that well is harsh yet true and makes me ashamed and embarassed for what has happened. So what i'm going to do is probably the hardest thing I'm going to have to do, or had to do, for awhile. I have to give a lot of thanks to who I lovingly refer to as Princess Jordan due to her character in my eventia book for kicking me in my ass and helping me to realize this.

I had always prided myself on using bullshit rationalizations to get me through things such as work and school. It was those same abilities to bullshit and rationalize that helped me to get a 97 and 99 during my semesters in english 101 and 102 respectively. Yet I've used these bullshit rationalizations in the worst possible place I could've ever used it. My relationship with my daughter, who is without a shadow of a doubt the most important person in my life.

Well the reality is I talk a good game about it and about hwo important she is to me and how much I love. Which don't get me wrong I do love her and feel she's important to me yet my actions have proved otherwise. From going out to bars and just hanging out wtih friends I've done nothing to even remotely prove to anyone that I give even the faintest damn about the life I helped create almost 6 years ago. Instead of letting my friends buy me drinks at the bar I should've thought about it and seen if they could buy me a phone card or let me use their phone a bit more.. yet I didn't

I was so selfishly concerend with the shit I was doing that my daughter took a backseat to everything and everyone else. For that I am ashamed about it all and have no excuse, there is no excuse for my behavior and not one damn bit of rationale to make it right in any mindframe of thinking.

Yet I tried rationalizing it that way somehow.. Just to make me feel better and to help me cope I tried. But I can't do it anymore. I admit it I've fucked up these past few months and foolishly squandered many many chances to just talk to her on the phone..chances I'll never ever get an oppurtunity to get back again.

That is my fuck up and my biggest sin right now. I know I can talk for hours on how I can change it and fix it.. but the only way to actually do all that is to change it.. to make a concerted effort to be a better father despite the fact i'm 1000 miles away from her. To give her the chance to hear my voice more often and to know that daddy loves her. I guess as much as I don't want to admit it I do have too much of my own father in me and as much as I fucking tried to avoid it I have in a way ended up exactly like him which is what I didn't want, yet somehow accomplished.

So that's what I see when I look at myself..that's it. I don't see this person whom everyone thinks cares for his daughter or would do anything for her. I see someone too wrapped up in his own petty bullshit situations that he's missing the big picture on what should truly be important to him over anything and everything else. And the worst part about it all is the fact that my daughter had to suffer for it, she may not realize it now but one day she will. Its just my hope that I haven't noticed this too late to fix things.

So for those of you out there who think I'm some sweet nice guy or whatnot drop that delusion and see what I really am. A sad excuse for a person struggling to get a grip and maintain control on things while putting on a front for everyone to see while only a few really do know what's going on.

Comment on this post..



Comments on this posting:
♥ Peeksta ♥ Cl...
Offline (How did I get on the NAUGHTY LIST???)
United States
December 1, 2007 @ 4:52 pm
sweetie dealing with children is the hardest job out there . You caught yourself. that is a major plus . What you have to do now is go into it with a positive attitude. If you connect with your child again and have the guilt feeling your daughter will pick up on them and you are looking for a grand struggle. Make the contact. Clear up issues with the other adult involved ( your daughters mother) and any words feeling or actions that you have with your daughter should NOT have any negative attached. children have a way of picking up on any and all feeling. You can do this ...

Huggzzzz
Peeksta
reply
Trinity
Offline (I &hearts Gwyn! PIC'S 4-ever!)
United States
December 1, 2007 @ 4:26 pm
The point is that you've realized it NOW! Yes, you've missed opportunities...up to this point. Now, do what you need to do to rectify the situation and take it from there. The only reason to look back is to see what we can make better in the future.
Really, she's only 6. You have the rest of your life ahead. She is lucky to have a dad like you. You can stop beating yourself up now and make the changes. :D
reply
MolyMeitschi
Switzerland
December 1, 2007 @ 4:18 pm
nobody is perfect, you still are in time to fix it
reply

show all comments



Leave a comment!
html comments OK.
NOTE: If you post content that is offensive, adult, or NSFW (Not Safe For Work), your account will be deleted. [?]

Spice up your comments with:
Glitter Text or Fun Notes!
Make Your Own Playlist at ProjectPlaylist.com!
The VAULT-- Don't know what to put in your profile or comments? Click here for ideas.


'blog' rendered in 0.22 seconds on machine '182'.