| subject: | If Vampires attacked! |
| post date: | 2008-04-29 18:48:11 |
| views: 9 comments: 0 ratings: 0 |
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Vampire lore goes back a long time and there is a reason for that. Many different cultures feel differently about vampires and I could get into the different ways people view them but I wont for this post. If you have any questions about it feel free to message me. Now on to the topic at hand, what to do if vampires attacked well here are a few things that you can do to protect yourself against the creatures of the dark.
1. Welcome to Louisiana! The land of the New Orleans vampires! They are not vampires, it is a lifestyle choice nothing more. Do not confuse them with real vampires because it is not legal to stake a teenager standing on a dark corner. Happy Marti Gras.
2. Once it is discovered that vampires do exist don't go to the nearest porn store and buy Caress of the Vampire 2 thinking that vampires would make a good bed mate. I am not sure if undead soul sucking pieces of shit would qualify for a good lay.
3. Movies are useless. There are very few stories that I would take seriously so try not to take them seriously either. Vampire porn is even more useless unless you want to ward off a vampire by saying "I want to suck your deeeek."
4. DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT assume that vampires cannot come in unless they are invited. That is lame. Ghosts can come in, aliens can come in, Bigfoot can come in, and your loser ex can come in. Vampires can't why???
5. Garlic will only make people want to cover you in sauce and eat you. Don't wear garlic.
6. Don't fling crosses at them. It is annoying. If you fling crosses at me, I bite you too.
7. A turtle neck is always worth a try.
8. Learn Kung Fu.
9. Befriend one. If they can fly, hell its a free trip to Disney Land!
Good Luck!
Skye |
