There comes a point in every persons life where they must make a choice. Where they have to decide if you want to keep doing what you’re doing and stick with what you are used to or if you want to do one of the hardest things you can do and that thing it to change, that is the point I am at in my life. I know that since many of the people who read this only see the part of me I let you see, so maybe I should let you know how I really am. I’m a fucking bitch to put it as simply as possible. I make so many people around me miserable because I cannot control my anger and outbursts. I know that when people get older people are supposed to get wiser, but I guess that wisdom just hasn’t come to me, it seems as I have aged I have become more and more irritable, but now it has come to the point that being this way may cause me to lose something very important. I just don’t know how to change. I have tried to ignore the little things and not snap or overreact but nothing seems to work. I have tried to not let I have tried not to let jealousy, envy, paranoia, or the scars of my last relationship act up in this one but they just do. It’s like I am constantly making two steps forward but then taking one big leap back. I don’t like being like this and part of me never knew until it was pointed out to me. I’m just so afraid I won’t be able to change and I will lose everything that is important and one of the only things that makes me feel truly happy. Part of me thinks it may be too late though, hearing from someone that means so much how the way I am hurts them makes me feel like I’m nothing and I don’t deserve the good I have and that I can’t fix it and that the damage is done. Lately I just have felt so awful. I feel like a bad daughter and a bad sister, a bad friend and a bad girlfriend, just a bad everything. In all honesty I sometimes feel like that since I make the majority of the people around me so miserable that maybe they would be better if I weren’t around, and it scares me to think that because I haven’t felt suicidal in such a long time and I thought I was over it, but now knowing how much and how close I was to losing has made me realize how bad everything has gotten. I don’t know how I got to this point. I never saw that it was getting this bad, I didn’t realize that I’m breaking people’s hearts and spirit. I’m just so afraid that if I don’t fix it soon I will lose everything and I don’t know if I can take that. I will make this better. I have to. I know now I need help cause I know I can’t do it alone cause when I try I fail.
"Maps"-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Pack up
I’m straight
Enough
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Wait, they don’t love you like i love you
Wait, they don’t love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don’t love you like i love you...
Made off
Don’t stray
My kind’s your kind
I’ll stay the same
Pack up
Don’t stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Wait! they don’t love you like i love you
Wait! they don’t love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don’t love you like i love you...
Wait! they don’t love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don’t love you like i love you...
Wait, they don’t love you like i love you
Wait, they don’t love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don’t love you like i love you...
Wait, they don’t love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don’t love you like i love you... 
