I have been beaten by my own monster that has been sleeping all this time. When I thought it was peacefully, left out of my consciousness, unaware of my presence. But once again, I was wrong; it majestically stood above my weak heart and gave me a deep strong stare from it beastly eyes.
Her name is jealousy.
When people say don’t play with fire, they mean it coz it could burn you like a dry leaf. It burn so fast you don’t know you’re flaming in your own emotion since love blinded all your senses. In this case, my fire started in time of my unconsciousness. But anyway I put it; I should take our relationship for granted. I care for her so much; I even gave up the ego in me in some part. I realize that this isn’t puppy loving no more; it has grown into a mutual commitment that both of us surrender to each other without losing our original code.
I realize that I have a part of jealousy myself, when I thought it just a kiddy stuff in term of two mature individuals. She gets close to this new person, and it drove me crazy. When I say I’m crazy that means my heart bombing itself in so many little spot and so many painful times. It was a bit of surprise actually that I have such a feeling growing inside me. Never had one before, not in my previous relationship, but this time it awaken suddenly and I lose control of it. I have so many thought raging inside this tiny head of mine and feeling tired of this endless battle within me.
“Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”
But I thanking the sweet Lord above for connecting my destiny and understand that my source of light is coming from this person. Cannot stop thinking bout her day and night, like a sucka listening to crap love songs, but ‘tis true I tell yer mates! As God is my witness, my heart has been captivated by a mere human as himself.
First there is desire
Then... passion!
Then... suspicion!
Jealousy! Anger! Betrayal!
Where love is for the highest bidder,
There can be no trust.
Without trust,.
There is no love!
Jealousy.
Yes, jealousy...
Will drive you... mad!
-the moulin rouge-