Sometimes when I'm at work, in the middle of the day, I go into the men's room and pull my pants all the way down to my ankles. Then I hike up my shirt all the way to my neck, and tuck it under my chin, so that I'm completely naked from neck to ankle. Then I stand about five feet back from the urinals and raise both hands over my head, and pee freehand while making fire-engine noises at the top of my lungs.
