NTZ's blog: "A Return Of Thought"

When you're someone who gets down easily you become afraid of feeling good about yourself.  All because each time you actually do, something with meaning to your life ends up turning on you.  Everytime it feels things are getting better in my life, something always pulls me back and rapes me until I allow it to bring that fear again. So can I live?  Can I smile?  I always believed no one could ever actually like the person I am.  Everyone continues to prove to me I was right.  Where was the wrong that I done?  I know of the few examples of actions in my past.  Though, have I repeated mistakes?  I do make new ones here and there but the reality of me learning from them is what shows my growth as a person.  I went from no confidence to a little swag at times but that no confidence seems best because I guess its who i am.  What makes me pretty ugly isnt my looks. Its everyone proving to me that who I am isnt beautiful enough for them to love, like, or truly enjoy more than a text, a hello, or comment.  So where are the people who actually give a damn about me?  Rather not want to add another person to the not list.