Starting a new job is always stressful. Starting your dream job is no exception.
I had just taken a new job in a new state. It was a huge switch for me. I went from working with my hands and body to working with my mind. In effect, I was starting over. It was a do-over. Something I really needed.
What passed for my office was what most people would have called: Dilbertville, Cube Central, or a Rat Maze. I had walls, but could hear everything around me. The day prior, the folks on the other side of the wall had seen my 7-11 Mug. My 1.5 liter mug. It was perfect for when I was moving 24/7. However, for someone who sits on their rear all day, it was less than a recipe for the perfect bod.
I had been thinking about cutting back when I overheard the conversation in the next aisle. "Coke causes cancer.... yada yada yada." Basically, they were saying I was going to drop dead before I got my first check. Well, I didn't buy it. I had been drinking this stuff for years, but my weight was beginning to creep up, and I knew that I wasn't going to be getting any exercise here, so I figured I should dump my bod and dump my Dr pepper addiction.
Now, I don't believe in diets. I believe in moderation, exercise, eating healthy, and acceptance. All of our bodies are tuned differently. Some of us will never have that perfect Hollywood bod until they figure out how to reprogram our genes, but you know what? Who cares. Life is short. Do what you can, but accept that you are who you are. I went to a whole in the wall snack bar for lunch. They specialized in hot dog type fair, but made a mean taco salad with hot sauce that would melt steel. On this particular day, I got a hot dog. Yes, I know, I did say something about eating healthy right? Shussh. Well, I got a cup of ice from a hotel style ice machine, and on top of the machine was an old pitcher filled with "water". It smelled a little strange, but this whole place was a bit strange and I had heard rumors about the quality of the water, so I only thought twice on the matter. I got my dog. Joked with the owner and stepped outside where I took a big drink.
It wasn't water.
It had a metallic taste.
It was BLEACH.
I went back inside with the strangest taste in my mouth. I told the owner that his water had gone bad. What else do you say?
Water? he replied.
Yeah, the Water in the pitcher.
The look of horror told me more than the words that followed.
That's to sanitize the scoop. Its Bleach. He then told me that if I died not to tell anybody.
I was in a state of shock. What do you say to something like that?
Confused and dumbfounded I went back to my desk where I began to see stars. Of course no one was around. It was lunch time, but I decided that dying in Dilbert land without anyone knowing was stupid. No one was around. No one but the head of the building. The guy who hired me. The guy who had known me all of two weeks, if that. Great. How do you tell your new boss something like this.
I was feeling light headed and my head hurt, so I decided that I didn't have time to surgar coat it. I told him straight out.
I drank bleach.
The look on his face was as priceless as the one that had been on mine just a bit earlier. What I wouldn't have given to know what thoughts followed that look.
Anyway, I hastily explained the situation and he told me to go to the local hospital.
I went in and there was a line. The lady came over with a clip board and told me to fill out the form. It asked me why I was there.
I wrote: "drank bleach."
The look on her face was equally priceless.
I went straight in.
The nurse went and found the doctor.
Then she looked for the number to poison control. Of course, she couldnt find it. When she did, she got their answering machine. "We're sorry. We can not take your call right now. Leave a message and we'll get back to you between the hours of 5 and 9."
I had a message for them at the time, but it isnt repeatable as I am trying to keep this clean.
Obviously, I am alive to write this. and I was told later that this happens all the time. To tottlers
