1164065's blog: "blahhhh"

Into the valley of the darkness is where my mind shall wander, beneath the rocks of sorrow I shall sit. Take into the counts of life and of hate and wonder how both can be granted into the human soul. Holding forth the knife of reason and wonder and ponder as to what this life has indeed become. Breathing in the soiled air and taking the poison into the depth of my thoughts. Shall I let it take over my body? I ask myself this question most frequently. It is as to my thoughts alone I shall answer it.
It was never to long ago, I tell my self aloud, for it just seems as yesterday. I sat there and let you abuse the only sanity I had in my very mind. I let you into my mind and you forced into my soul. I never did forget the pain that you pushed upon me, yet I wanted to feel the wrath within me let free. Could it been that your evilness was passed into me? Could it be that I was looking into the eyes of the devil himself? I never would know that true answer, but I knew I couldn’t be wrong. Holding on to my tears for years after and yet still wiping them away when I wept.
It was you that committed a murder it was you that took away a life. Maybe not so much a physical life but you took the soul and mind of innocence. I hated you for it and I never understood that a person could do that, so that is when I discovered it was a demon that did that to me. I wanted you to face me but not only you could look into the broken eyes of your own disappointment.
Now this day I ask upon my own soul that I can possibly walk away from this world you have forced me to enter. For what should I have to enter but a world of more pain and misery and now this is what I have found. I too have become over run by the demon that once possessed you. I cant think of another day I have felt anymore pain. Your own world of sickness and sorrow, bullshit and lies, you have brought into my eyes. Now I see all as other eyes wouldn’t, I see the pain that others are forced to endure and it makes me wonder are they as sad as me? Is their soul just as lonely?
Hold onto the day when I awaken into my own world and I see that I have brought fear into your eyes just as you did mine. When your perfect enemy will finally rise and prevent you from forcing more pain onto another soul. I hate the world I see now, it is seen with broken eyes. I listen to sounds with a hazed mind. I touch with tainted senses. I blame you.
So now and then I sit into my own valley and pray to wait for the day I see justice forced upon you. You’re a demon within the body of a man, you are what I discovered as maybe the devil himself. All the hate that was brought into me and others will finally erode after all this time. To see your body being left by your devil soul.
You will never see me cry another tear over you. I will not shed not one more tear upon my cheek, unless of coarse it is that of joy. Not once more will you look into my eyes and see fear of you. Never shall I be afraid of the devil, nor will I ever bring him into me. You may force yourself into my body, soul, and heart, but I will force the guilt into you and make suicide be your faith. For your fate now rests in the hands of justice. Within my mind of pain I found enough sanity to regain and fight off the world through the eyes I see, which you gave, and it shows your final stage. Hold your breathe for because of your sins it may just be your last.

Through the sorrow filled eyes of the youth of world the fear of all that to come and the final question is… what will it be like? What will the pain be like? What will the world be like? When everything has finally taken its coarse and the world as we all know it will be no more but a simple memory once played inside of our minds of blindness. When the air within our world will be nothing but the foul smell of burnt flesh and the water that we drink will have the illusion of wine from the bodies dying the waters with their crimson tears. When the taste of food will no longer be there instead the taste of hunger and disease will take its place. When hell will no longer be the debate of whether or not it exists for it will be before our very eyes. When hells fires burn so powerful and high that placing their tired feet in the soils of our fathers lands will be burning from that as of below. The air being no longer filled with the lovely sounds of spring and fall but that of the sounds of vain and agony coming from those that we hold closer to hearts and our neighbors as well. To where the very move of our hands and fingers will cause that of small cracked canyons filled with small red rivers. And yet who do we have to blame for this sorrow that we uphold but that of ourselves, for we are the ones that let the poisonous vapors of society seep into our very flesh to that of when we sweat the venom leaks out burning the very flesh of our bodies, and that to where skin was once will be nothing but the seared blood that looks as though caramelized, and blisters and sores on our bodies causing us all to look like unbearable monsters and we will all be equal. That is the way it shall be and our eyes swollen with that of blue and purple shall no longer bear the pain of seeing ourselves and others suffer so that be burst filling the empty sockets with the scarlet fluid of life. And that our minds will be corrupted to the point of non-recognition that our hearts shall be emptied as well. But this is the life that each has brought on have you seen it? Do you feel that you have felt your pain enough? Are you finished hearing the screeching cries of your children paying for their sins as well as yours? This is what it shall be, have you had enough? The eyes of your children are in shattering sights the words of our fathers are as nails on a chalkboard. And this is the life that we send for the ones that shall come after us and follow in our forgotten footsteps. Our children will be the new raw material that our fathers can use to mold into the ever-binding figures of society. To take back into the footsteps of the ever tired feet of the American people and it shall be as before in the next steps into the passage of hell we shall go and conceive the truth of our kind.

Tiny bursts of flame turn into a raging fire inside me, a longing for someone to understand, understand that there is a deep pain inside me. A pain that for so long now has seemed to engulf my very spirit refusing to set it free I sit there in a constant daily battle almost begging for it to keep me alive. A force that though slightly seen by others acts as a wall to defend me from the good that people are trying to bestow onto me. I no longer wish for that wall to stand. I wish to let go and be as the bird on the window sill and just fly away leaving it behind. I feel as a ghost trapped in a house of misery, a bird with no song to sing, a person with no real purpose to be here. Till the day a death is brought onto the demon holding me prisoner I will not sleep a comforting night, I will not fully enjoy the taste of the meal before me, I will not fully be free. This world I am in holds me in place but I do not hold it in my heart. A ghost wandering the fields of reason bathing in the river of hope. A new rebirth is what I am looking for a new way to let the demons go and move on and truly live for once. I know when it happens it will feel like cool running water on a hot summer day. I can enjoy the fruit of my life and plant my own beginnings. The real question though is when this day will come. When will he choke on his own deception, when will he hang himself from all the wrong. Not soon enough for I am still fighting to live.