Miss Vanima's blog: "blah"

I got my key to my new place tonight... and now i keep looking at it...

I am scared... i am scared to be alone... i really don't want to be... I haven't been in soo long...

I am trying to find people to stay with me for a few days... who? i dunno.. just random friends... tomorrow... i am probably going to stay there... alone...

I know i am going to cry but I guess that is expected..

hell even now... next to him.. i am lonely... because I know that we aren't "together" anymore...

this whole separation bullshit SUCKS

 

After seeing him not wear his ring today... I went without mine... i kept looking at my hand... and at first i was sad... then i was just angry...

 

i have SOOO much anger in me right now that I don't know what to do with myself...

I would LOVE to break something... but I don't know if i will stop once i start

I get the keys to my new place tonight... going to start moving some of my things in tomorrow... blah i sooo don't want to do this...

on another note... my husband didn't wear his wedding ring today... i was going to continue to wear mine.. but now i don't know what to do...

Any ideas?

My husband and I are officially separating. My heart is breaking but at the same time I feel this will be best for us. Neither of us are happy and we haven't been in a while..

I am not sure if we will be able to work things out to save our marriage, but i do hope we can save our friendship.

I am moving about 20 minutes away from where i live now into my sisters old trailer. She moved out of it and was going to sell it, but I am now going to rent it...

I am not sure how it is all going to work yet... but hopefully we can work this out so that if there is a divorce there will be no animosity at all...

I just woke up from a strange dream... was really vivid..

basically it started out with me running... so i ran and ran... then i got caught by some chick... in my dream it was some lady who was apparently my sister on my dad's side but he didn't know about her... she was super bitter about me having gotten all sorts of attention from him but he didn't know about her.

ANYWAY... skip forward a bit... she ends up having me somewhere and is holding  a gun to my head... juuust as she is about to shoot two things happen... 1) i hear "mommy" and 2) her head gets blown off by a cop 

flip foward some more... she knew about me... and had written out a will for me to take her daughter (and all her other stuff) if something happened to her.. since she had no one else or something...you know.. the daughter that walked in when a cop shot her mom in the head?

soo.. suddenly i am in this messy house.. with a 2 year old that is super clingy and freaks out if i am more than 2 feet away from her... (strange since the kid barely knew me)

someone calls CPS on me because the kid was always crying.. so they come to the house the VERY first time i got her asleep by herself and i am FINALLY trying to clean up...

 

and thats when i woke up...

 

weirrrrrrd

Why is it.. that i used to NEVER break out... and suddenly.. i break out constantly...never washed my face with anythign but water either... but only on ONE cheek.. but they are bad!! and it is hell to cover the blemishes! AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i just bought some face wash to see if i can make it stop.... blarg

so.. i am sewing some medieval clothes right now for hubby and myself... My sewing machine bit my finger (the little screw you use to tighten the needle in slammed into my thumb) and then when i was using a hand needle to close a seam.. it shoved into my cuticle cause of my dog jumping on the bed... cat starts trying to play with the fabric.. and he bites it then pulls.. which in turn rakes needles across my leg sewing is a dangerous job! oh.. and btw.. I have lost a total of 13.5 pounds since january... JOY!

STOP BEING MY SECRET ADMIRER!!! >.< i no want you peoples! haha

I just got a phone call... and have to be at work 30 minutes early fuck a duck

Just announced at work two of our party by the pool entertainers :D EVERCLEAR AND BLUES TRAVELER!!! I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO haha gonna take my paid time off lol oh well i gotta see who else is gonna be lined up :D

go to work for me?