"Rules of the South" are as follows:
1. Pull your saggy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap around right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are called cows & hogs. That's why they smell to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-75 goes north, I-10 goes west. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton pickers that are driven only 4 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there
with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA!!
