Today the Chicago Bears win a spot in the superbowl!!
I can see his smile...the excitement in his eyes..from his hospital bed..watching the screen flashing frantic fans and a field in disaray..hes yelling..the nurses are angry..trying to warn him..he needs to keep calm you see...because soon he is dying..the doctor gave him 6 months..or so he told my mother..he didn't know..he was a strong man..full of wisdom and pride..a tall stance and and a long stride...we refused to take the last months of that from him..the news would have detroyed his dignity..rather..we helped him thru his pain..until the sad reality was to clear and imobile to him..and still through his sorrow and devistating pain..he remained strong and never lost his pride..even when the good old welfare system stamped that big NO on his request for help...he kept his head held high..and in a stern angry grumble..refused to surrender the home he had struggled to mantain for his family of 9..too many 14 hr days..so many cracks in the walls..and pipes that needed fixing..stairs missing pieces..and windows without screens..the beautifull precious memories were far too important to "his family" to ever let them take it away..the anger built and the breathing stopped..once again..sending him with flashing lights back to those cold white walls and digital monitors..his eyes wide with fear..gasping for breath...the nurse comes to ask if one of us could please come and try to calm him..the eyes look to me..his little girl..his pride and joy..his one girl of so many boys..tears streaming down ..i shake my head no..I can't imagine my state helping him..the nurse grabs my shoulders and looks in my eyes ..in my heart..and says quickly he needs your strength..be your fathers daughter..you can do this..he needs you..now...i walk in the room..the tears filling his eyes..he reaches out for my hand..i hold his hand and fight back my tears..and whisper..dad..Im not ready to let you go..please dont give up..thru the rush of tears he struggles between breathes..I can't do it Julie..I can't breathe..baby Im sorry I cant..I had never seen him quit..he has always been my rock..YOU TAUGHT ME NEVER TO QUIT!! YOU TAUGHT ME ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!! YOU TAUGHT ME TO FIGHT!!...yelling thru my tears ..looking in his wide terror filled eyes...BREATHE...YOU CAN DO THIS!! BREATHE.okay.calm down now..we can do this together..lets breathe together..the nurse touches my shoulder softly and says..his heart rate is dropping and smiles softly..I did it..we did it ..I say to him with a smile thru my tears..later that week..the 1985 Chicago Bears won a spot in the super bowl..he was able to relish in this beautifull historic moment..his room filled with banners and flags...blankets and pictures..his bears hat in hand and proudly wearing his walter payton jersey..My father sand the super bowl shuffle in his hospital bed..and told the nurses to piss off!! IM DYING...HAVEN'T YOU FIGURED THAT OUT YET? I REALIZE IT TOOK MY DUMB ASS A WHILE TO GET IT THRU MY THICK SKULL..BUT HELL YOU BROADS WORK IN THIS JOYNT AND I'VE SEEN YOU MORE THAN MY OWN HOME IN THE LAST MONTH..SO PLEASE LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WHILE I SALUTE MY CHICAGO BEARS...CUZ LADIES WERE GOIN TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!
I realize this was long..and probably drawn out..but, I haven't written about the most wonderfull man in my world in quite sum time..and there is so much to tell..so much to remember..so many bitter sweet moments in my life remind me of my amazing father..he was a damn good man..I owe everything I am today to him..good and bad..like he always said..I aint no one special..Im just an regular workin Joe..n ya know..Im okay with that..I aint here to impress no one..hell lots wont like me ..Im sure..but fuck em..cuz the ones that love me could probably kick there asses anyways...lol
Did I mention my father was a philosopher?? LOL
I LOVE YOU DAD!!!! GOOOOO BEARS!!!!!!!!!!
