I am a woman who has her life together. I am looking for a very special man! To start with, he must be heavily medicated. If you regularly find yourself drooling in a corner you have met requirement number one!
Additionally, you must be very romantic. I have my own view of romance. Firstly, you must NEVER buy me a gift. Not for my birthday, not for Valentines Day and certainly not for Christmas. If the voices in your head tell you that you must make a purchase please restrict yourself to a card. Inside the card, no matter what the voices say, please write something lovely like I want to smell your butt. Scaling my balcony at four a.m. while serenading me with choruses of how I am trying to ruin your life will make me melt! Please drink profusely in every public place we go. I feel so needed when I have to carry you into the house and wash your piss stained pants. (LOL! I forgot to mention I like it when you are so drunk you can't control your bodily functions). I also want to have to call the police on you at least twice a year. If you dont threaten to hurt me and if you don't throw things at me how else am I to know that you love me?
The man I am seeking must also be ambition free. I prefer a creative man who will sit and play his guitar all day. Life is too short for you to spend it working. Please don't come out and say this though. Tell me you are looking; that soon you will get back in the mix. I want to be supportive and this little white lie will allow me to do just that. I can spend hours (well, the ones that I am not looking for new meds for you) searching for jobs that you will never apply for. It will also allow me to pay for all of our activities. I earn a good wage and it does me no good to just have it sitting in the bank earning interest. I would rather spend it on you. Lastly, on the monetary note, I will swoon if you borrow money and never pay it back. If you do stumble into some extra money you should spend it on something that you really want. For example, you could spend it on a concert ticket for yourself and leave me at home. Now, that sounds perfect!
I love a man that challenges me. In my experience the best way for you to do this is to be emotionally unstable. Catch me off guard whenever possible. Please call me and ask me to marry you and two hours later leave me a voicemail telling me I am a b*tch. I love to be kept on my toes. Show up at my door unannounced in the midst of a panic attack and I will drop everything I am doing to be there for you. Make vows you know youll never keep and I promise to believe you
By this point it must be obvious that I am looking for a psychco. You are probably assuming that this requirement must at least be partially fueled by my desire for amazing sex. If so, you are half right. I want it to be amazing for YOU. I understand that the medication may sometimes interfere with your sex drive and/or ability to have sexual relations. That must be so difficult for you. That is why when you are ready and able to have sex with me I will do anything to gratify you. Ill be your slut, your mother, your servant, your master, your whore and your caretaker. No foreplay needed. Just do me however you so choose. My needs are irrelevant. After all this, along with everything else, is all about you. By the way, I have no problem with you telling everyone you know how great the sex is with me. As a matter of fact, feel free to tell all your guy friends every detail that way they will want to nail me too.
This has gotten quite long. I suppose I should leave it at this. If you fit this description email me. If I have not already dated you (or if I have and you are on new meds) perhaps we can get together. (Of course I will provide transportation!)
p.s. Bonus points for being on SSI and/or living with your mother.
