tedgresham's blog: "Bohemian Bull"

I went to an incredible concert tonight.  Three great bands.  Loved them.  The music was loud, very loud, and it pounded through me and flushed all the shit away for just a little while.  My new sort'of friends in the band were nice to talk to.  I ran into a guy who was remodeling the old KTRE studios where my dad worked when I was a kid and he gave me a little tour.  Damndest thing I have ever had.  I was so totally happy to walk through that place.  It's all fucked up now.  Still, my dad was kind'a close then.  What great memories.  Then we left and I smoked a cig.  I don't smoke.  ha.  And now I am home.  I drove home.  Probably should not have.  Whatever.  It's almost three AM and I am fucked up still.  And I am so goddamn alone.  What's the fucking purpose?  I work my ass off for this thing I do, this website and thing for rock and metal bands.  And here I am feeling fucking sorry for myself in my van all alone.  This is damned depressing.

Yeah, I have a wife who hates my fucking music and keeps waiting for me to "change back."  Fuck that.  Change back to what, being a weasle asshole dork?  I would like to be a sweetheart like a friend here said I might be.  Yeah, but shit, this lonely shit is no fun.  I would you know, not like to be so fucking alone.  I am all fucked up.  I like being drunk, you know, and I love being fucked up with the music loud and beating the hell out of my head because for a little while this fucked up world just disappears.  But the goddamn thing always comes back.  Always.  Fucking world.  I wish it would go away. 

So anyway, you know, whatever.  So really, nobody gives a shit.  I figured that out a long time go.  I'm an old fucked up idiot jackass who is just some crazy sonofabitch who everybody thinks is weird.  And me, well, just fucking alone.  Shit I hate alone. 

Have a nice goddamn day.