Talking to a friend the other night. She was complaining about her bf always waking her up in the middle of the night by touching her in certain places on her breasts and "you know, down there". She was asking me if that were normal? She wanted to get some sleep and he was just constantly touching her sporadically throughout the night.
Now, this is the guy that she was planning to marry someday and had known for a long time before that. She wanted to know if that was being abusive.
I am saying to myself, "Heck, I would give anything to have a boyfriend in my bed who would be touching me. I'd welcome that!"
Then, came the dreaded question. What would you do, if it were you???
Now, I was being forced to give my opinion in a crowded area of other folks about a sexual preferences. I so wanted to blurt out I would awaken gently and turn around so that we could make wild passionate love. Instead, I said,
"This isn't about me though. Who is to say that my reaction wouldn't be normal and your reaction isn't the reaction that truly is normal? It is all going to depend on whether or not that he is or isn't taking your needs into consideration. If he is doing so, for example, to keep you awake to fulfill his own needs and so that you won't be alert at work so that you can lose your job so that you would have to stay at home to meet and fulfill his own needs for his own self-gratification, then that could be construed as being abusive. However, if he is wanting to arouse you to satisfy your needs as well, then that might not be construed as being abusive.
It is when you know that you have plans for the day that you need to be at your 100% and you say to him, 'Not right now, hun', and he insists anyways, that could be construed as a form of raping your body. Now, though, if you tell your b/f, 'Not right now, hun', you might want to surprise him later when you two did return home later in the day with a romantic gesture and a sexual encounter to let him know that it isn't that you are not wanting to have sex with him, but you did truly need your beauty rest at that time.
Sometimes, I feel that it can destroy a relationship if the communication isn't there to let one another know that sexual advances are wanted but there are times that are, perhaps, more appropriate than others and boundaries are needing to be set for that reason and not anything to do with a lack of desire for them."
LOL... Perhaps, it would have been better for me to give the short answer!! LOL....
Now, tell me.....what would you have told my friend????
My friend said, "Thank you. You have given me some ideas!" but, what would you really have said, if it were your friend????
