Thundercat's blog: "The End Is The Beggining Is The End"

The following is a list of statements given in court it comes from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. every thing written here was actually said in court, word for word. Enjoy. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. - ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. - ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS:Yes. ATTORNEY:And in what ways does it affect your memory? Witness:I forget ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? - ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! - ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes,voodoo - ATTORNEY: Now, doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? - ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, hes twenty one. - ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you pulling my leg? - ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh...I was getting laid! - ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS:Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS:None. ATTORNEY:Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you pulling my leg? Your Honor, i think i need a different attorney. Can i get a new attorney? - ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS:By death. ATTORNEY:And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? - ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. - ATTORNEY:Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which i sent to your attorney? WITNESS:No, this is how I dress when i go to work. - ATTORNEY:Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS:All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? - ATTORNEY:ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? what school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. - ATTORNEY:Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS:The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY:And Mr.Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS:No, he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing an autopsy on him! - ATTORNEY:Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS:huh...are you qualified to ask that question? - THE BEST FOR LAST ATTORNEY:Doctor, before you performedd the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS:No. ATTORNEY:Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS:No. ATTORNEY:Did you check for breathing? WITNESS:No. ATTORNEY:So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS:No. ATTORNEY:How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS:Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY:I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nonetheless? WITNESS:Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.