BDSM Dictionary of Terms
AB, Adult Babies := Grown-ups who wish to be treated as babies. This can include the wearing of nappies, bottle feeding and changing (see also Age Play)
Abuse := "physical maltreatment" and "improper or excessive use or treatment" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
"An abusive relationship is one in which substantial physical, mental, or emotional harm is inflicted, that is not temporary in nature, and is not clearly compensated for by positive and loving experiences over a long period of time." -- by louise, 1997
Age Play := Role Play involving an "age change". Ex. Grown-ups who wish to be treated as babies, school boys/girls, …
Algolagnia := Medical/psychological term for the love of pain. Colloquially known as "Masochism".
Alternative Lifestyle := A sexuality that differs significantly from the 'norm' may make an alternative lifestyle necessary or desirable. A sexual orientation less common than the norm may stigmatize the individual pushing the person to seek a more accepting subculture. An example is BDSM, homosexuality and the formation of the gay community.
Animal Play := Role playing wherein one or both partners assumes the role of an animal, chiefly: puppy, dog, and pony. (see also Pet Play)
Asphyxiation := Arousal from lack of oxygen
Auto-Eroticism := Masturbation, "Do it yourself"
Anilingus := sexual stimulation of the rectum using the tongue
BDSM := Bondage Domination Sado Masochism. Term for activities of B&D, D&S, S&M
Bear Pride Flag := Symbol of friends of Bears, People who enjoy heavy, hairy and/or strong men (Bears). (also International Bear Brotherhood Flag)
Blood Sports := Play involving cutting, piercing or the drawing of blood
Body Bag := A fully enclosed bag usually made of rubber/latex into which the bottom is sealed. Used in restriction or mummification games.
Body Modification := modification of skin and/or certain body parts with cuttings, brandings or permanent piercings
Bondage := A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless (see also Bondage Lesson and Japanese Bondage)
Bottom := General term for sub/slave/passive person. Opposite: Top.
Brat, bratting := Term for a sub who tries to get the attention of a Dom/me by stiring up trouble
Breath Play := Techniques which involve restricting or controlling one's breathing
Bukkake := Bukkake [bu-kak-ee] in Japanese is base form of a verb, as it stands alone it is a noun. Bukkake means soak, splash or heavy squirt. In sexual context it is a noun variety of a fetish that involves repeated ejaculation on a female by many men. Around the late 80's early 90's a couple of Japanese video companies were trying to make videos that catered to facial and sperm lovers in Japan. So they decided to make videos that would consist of a girl getting facial after facial over and over again.
Bullwhip := A long, heavy leather whip
Cane := Usually a 15-45 inch long stick used for spanking techniques
Catheter := Plastic tube which is inserted into urethra
CBT := Cock and Ball Torture - Intense stimulation of the male sex by bondage, needles or clamps
Cockring := A toy used around the male genital. It's usually a leather-band / or a metal / plastic ring which is placed at the base of the penis / (& testicles) to allow the blood to flow in, but not out. Which enables the man to uphold an erection for a longer time.
Collar := Worn to denote submissiveness or slavery to a particular top
Collaring := Ceremony or ritual by which a submissive becomes bound to his or her top. A Collaring represents a serious commitment between the players
Coming out := Also Outing. Public or private Outing. To make your kink public. Mostly used in terms of homosexuality.
Corporal Punishment, CP := Punishment by beating. The term CP sometimes implies a more vigorous beating than "spanking", but the two are often used interchangeably.
Contract := A written agreement about the rights and duties of the D/s partners. Those contracts do not have any meaning in terms of law, but they are often used to define the relationship.
Cupping / Suction play := Suction of the skin produced by the use of small glass cups (medical toy) on the body. Types of cups: vacuum cups, fire cups. Be careful as with too much suction you can create visible "hickeys". Use them on breasts, buttocks or wherever you'd like to feel these unique sensations. Do not use these on any one area for more than 5 minutes each time to avoid possible skin irritation or damage such as bruising.
The Chinese used suction devices for therapeutic use like acupuncture and acupressure.
Crop := Riding Crop used for spanking techniques
Crossdresser, CD := Person who enjoys wearing the other genders clothes. A fetish mostly found by men.
Cutting := Involves being cut with a knife or scalpel. Part of the so called "Blood games". See also "scarification"
Dark Room := A dungeon room which is intentionally quite dark. Can mostly be found in the gay leather scene
Dental Dam := A latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anilingus to prevent disease transmission. Some sort of "condom", which is spread over the vagina / the anus for safe stimulation of those parts.
Discipline := Codeword for spanking, whipping etc.
Dildo play, Dildo Training := A dildo is inserted into the rectum. There are various sizes, from finger size to enormous. Used for sexual stimulation and/or humiliation.
Dominance, Dominance & Submission, D/s, D&s := The consensual empowerment of one partner by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission are the psychological and emotional underpinnings of SM. (see also Power Exchange)
Dom, Domme := A dominant male or female person - the person in charge/control (also Top)
Dominatrix := The Latin feminine of the term 'dominator'. A Dominatrix is a professional Domme. A person who offers her SM / D/s services to customers who are able and willing to pay for it.
Dungeon := Room or location designed for SM play
Edgeplay := These are particularly dangerous D&S that are looked upon with some trepidation - Often techniques which include blood sports and asphyxia
Electro Stimulation := Stimulation by electricity: (see also TENS, Violet Wand)
Caution: use only devices designed for this purpose
Endorphin := A form of chemical produced naturally by the body that seems to be involved in regulating the perception of pain. The name is derived from 'endo-' meaning internal, and the name of the drug morphine: endorphins are chemically similar to opiates, and one of the factors in opiate addiction is that the body stops producing them in response to the presence of the drug. The detached euphoria sought after and enjoyed by some SM bottoms as a result of heavy paingames may in part derive from the release of endorphins.
Enema := An enema is used to fill the colon with warm water or other liquid. Often used in medical play
EPE := Erotic Power Exchange (see also TPE)
Face Sitting := the top is "sitting" on the buttoms face. The details vary; some face-sitting is simply an expression of dominance; some is a part of breathing restriction games; some is explicitly sexual and the submissive is expected to perform cunnilingus/anilingus on the top.
Fellatio := Cocksucking, giving a blow-job (BJ), going down on someone, being face fucked: the act of sucking or licking a penis, or having a penis inserted in the mouth. Once considered a perversion, now a common vanilla option, but also used among BDSMers. A bottom may perform fellatio as an act of submission.
Feminization := For a man to be dressed and often made-up as a female, either voluntarily or under duress
Fetish := An object that replaces people by objects as primary object of love; ex: Leather-, Leg-, Feet, Rubber-Fetish
Fisting := Vaginal or even anal penetration using the fist/hand.
Flagellation := Striking a person with an object
Flogger := A multi strap/string whip, straps/strings are usually up to 20 inch long and made of leather or rubber
Foot fetish := Podophilia := sexual arousal from feet (see also Fetish)
Gag := There are many kinds of different gags: ball gags, penis-shaped gags, sometimes even inflatable.
Gender play := This term usually indicates someone of one gender who enjoys playing that they are the other gender. (see also transgender, transexuality)
Godemiche := Dildo in the shape of a penis with scrotum used for masturbation
Golden Shower := A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates on the submissive (see Safety: Golden Shower)
Gor := The name comes from a series of books written by John Norman about an imaginary planet called Gor.
Gorean := The term comes from a series of books written by John Norman about an imaginary planet called Gor. The slave culture described in these novels has acquired a cult following and Gorean elements are used in some SM fantasy role play.
Greek := Code word for anal sexual activities.
Hanky Code := A visual code designed in the early 1970s so that gay men on the leather/SM scene could display their specific sexual interests by displaying particular coloured hankies in their back pockets in conjunction with the left-right convention.
Harness := Bondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or the head. The best known is the leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso, as seen in the classic leatherman look. However they can be made of a variety of materials, and not all are just made for show but also for bondage and restraint.
Hermaphrodite := Person who has both part female and male genitalia
Humiliation := Playful embarrassment or humbling a person by teasing them about their sexual desires can be part of erotic control. Humiliation in SM can paradoxically build a person's self-esteem rather than tearing it down by reinforcing their sexuality. Real attacks on a person's self-worth or sexuality, or manipulations designed to break their spirit are abuse not within the appropriate practice of SM.
Infantilism := Role play involving infant-like behavior such as diaper wearing, nursing, etc.
Japanese Bondage := (also Oriental Bondage). Any of a number of styles of rope bondage stemming from styles used in the Far East. Typically, the bondages are highly decorativ. (see also Japanese Bondage)
Kinbaku := (Japanese Rope Art. (see also Japanese Bondage)
Knot := a) The simplest way to fasten ropes and a skill that most BDSMers benefit from. (see also Bondage-Lesson Knots)
Lash := a) A sort of long-tailed implement like a whip that can create a stinging pain.
b) To fasten something to something else with rope
Leather := a) Material made of animal skin
b) Term often used as synonym for the gay leather community
c) Clothing / Outfit: To put ones leathers on.
Leather Pride Flag := This symbol (introduced 1989 at the Mr.Leather Contest in Chicago) enjoys a gradually spreading popularity particularly among lesbian and gay SMers.
Limit := The point beyond which a player in a BDSM session does not consent to go. Can either indicate a particular activity that someone cannot cope with or finds a turnoff, or a point reached in play at which the stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or satisfying, or becomes impossible to cope with psychologically. Limits vary between person to person and situation to situation. Note that although limits are usually thought of in connection with bottoms, they are also applicable to tops
Masochism := The ability to derive pleasure from pain
Master, Mistress := see Dom, Domme - mostly used in terms of "ownership"
Mayday := Typical/often used Safeword - Kind of international standard Safeword
Mentor := A teacher, advisor - both subs and Dom/mes make use of a Mentor at certain times, at least it might be helpful and wise to do so.
Mind games := a) Domination where the focus is primarily mental, such as humiliation, rather than physical, such as bondage or whipping.
b) Non-consensual psychological manipulation to make a person respond in a particular way for one's own purposes.
Mummification := A form of bondage where the passive part is wrapped up more or less completely
Munch := A casual social gathering of the BDSM community, usually in a public restaurant where chatting is cool and fetish wear, toys and public play is not.
Outing := Also "Coming out". Public or private Outing. To make your kink public.
Paddle := A flat instrument used for spanking purposes - mostly made of leather or wood - sometimes with air holes for a better effect
Panic Snap := A linking device used with cable or chain that allows two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device. (see also Bondage-Lesson Releasing)
Pet play, Petplay := Role play where the sub acts within the role of an animal like a pony, cat or dog.
Ponygirl := A submissive trained to act like a pony (see Pet play)
Poppers := A liquid stimulant which is sniffed. Poppers act by increasing the heart rate and raising the blood pressure. They can intensify orgasm.
Warning: Poppers can be quite dangerous. They may cause cell damage in your brain and heart- and blood circulation-problems.
Positions := (see also Slave Positions)
PE, Power Exchange := The commonly used term for play that involves some exchange of control or power. This can occur over the course of a scene or for a longer period of time. (see also TPE)
Pro-Domme := A Professional Dominatrix, who expects payment for her service.
Protector := A protector is one who is entrusted with the care of another's sub/slave - A protector is also one who will take the place of the Master/Mistress at any function the Master cannot attend.
Queer := Generic descriptive term for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community
RACK := Another sight/term in the context of SSC: isk-Aware, Consensual Kink. Term coined by Gary Switch as an alternative to Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Mr. Switch argues that 1) Nothing's perfectly safe, 2) Negotiation cannot be valid without fore knowledge of the possible risks involved in the activity being negotiated, and 3) The "sane" part of SSC is very subjective. (See also Origin of RACK / RACK vs. SSC by Gary Switch)
Rimming := Penetrating the anus with the tongue, term mostly used in gay scene
Ritual(s) := established form for a ceremony, ceremonial act or action.
Synonyms RITE, ceremonial, ceremony, formality, liturgy, observance, service
Ritual Sex := Sex performed with specific rules of conduct
Roissy := An imaginary place from The Story of "0", by Pauline Reage, where young women were brought to be trained as slaves.
Rope := Different kinds of ropes can be use for bondage. (see also Bondage-Lesson Ropes
r/l or r/t := Real life or real time - see v/l, v/t
Sadomasochism := Aggregation of the terms sadism and masochism. Usually the term 'sadomasochism' suggests mutual consensual activity for the purposes of sexual arousal which involves some sort of pain, restraint or domination.
The derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or on oneself.
Safe Call := Security measure in which a participant in a play session or meeting tells outside parties where he will be, with whom, and when he will be checking back in. If a person does not check in, the third party calls for help. (see Safety for Meeting)
Safeword := A word, phrase or signal the participants agree on which has the meaning of a stop sign - all play has to stop immediately when this signal is given.
SAM := Smart Ass Masochist: Term for a masochist who tries to control/direct the Dom/me
Scarification := Cutting with the intention to create and scars. The scars are often stylised and displayed in a similar way as tattoos.
Sensory Deprivation := Supression of senses. e.g. blindfolding, auditory and/or olfactory (smell) reduction
Serpent's Tongue := A type of slapper made of a thick strap of leather, two or three inches wide, with a deep 'V' cut into most of the length of the piece. Commonly, the handle will have a double thickness with a ring stitched at the end - a very nasty toy.
Shibari := (Japanese Rope Bondage. (see also Japanese Bondage)
Slave := A person who gives the control to another person (Dom/me, Top)
Sometimes used the same way as the term sub, some people distinguish a sub from a slave by pointing out that a slave doesn't have the possibility to chose her/his destiny.
Sling := Swings or other forms of support or suspension from which a person may engage in sex
SM := Sadomasochism, Advanced sexual practices incorporating the consensual use of pain, humiliation, and power exchange for erotic enjoyment. SM includes dominance and submission, bondage and discipline, love bondage, and erotic spanking. Also "Sensual Magic"
Slave Positions := (see also Slave Positions)
Sounding := Male Urethral Play
Sounding is used as a generic term for stuffing the cock. Actual penile urethral sounds are usually Van Burens (curved) and Dittels (straight). These are hard to find and can be quite expensive. Most stuffers use medical devices that are actually uterine dilators, called Pratts or Hegars but they are also commonly called SOUNDS.
Spanking := The application of stimuli with canes, whips, paddles, crops or even the bare hand which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful.
Spreader Bar := A rigid bar attached to ankle or wrist cuffs. Designed to hold the legs or arms apart
SSC / SSCF := Safe, Sane, Consensual - the credo and guideline for every BDSM play. Also SSCF - Safe, Sane, Consensual & Fun.
St. Andrews Cross := an X-shaped crucifixion device often made of wood. It's mostly used to tie the bottom to it in a spread position.
Submissive (sub) := A person who gives the control to another person (Dom/me, Top)
subspace := A state of mind and body - often like a trance - some describe it as "flying/drifting" - caused by endorphins emitted during an intense scene or stress.
STD := Sexual Transmitted Disease
Straight := a) Code word for heterosexual.
b) Adjective for someone or something that Is not SM oriented. In this sense, a synonym for vanilla.
Suspension := A bondage technique wherein the submissive's weight, totally or partially, is borne by the restraints used in the bondage. Great care must be exercised in this practice; usually, bondage harnesses and suspension cuffs are used in suspension.
Switch := A person who "switches" roles between submissive and dominant
TENS (Unit) := The 'Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation' unit is used by chiropractors to cause involuntary muscle contraction. Sadomasochists use it for fun rather than therapy. (see also Electro Stimulation)
Top := A dominant male or female person - the person in charge/control (also Dom, Domme). Opposite: Bottom.
TPE := Total Power Exchange - term for an extreme form of a 24/7 D/s relationship (see also TPE)
Transsexual := Person in the process of physically changing sexes
Transvestite := see Crossdresser
TT, (Tit Torture) := Intense breast stimulation (for example with needles, clamps, tight bondage etc.)
Trainer := A trainer is one who teaches the sub/slave "new tricks" - don't mix this up with the term Master/Mistress
Vanilla := Often used for "plain standard sex" - non BDSM sex
Violet Wand := An electric device usually in form of a glass cylinder which uses the effect of high frequent electric charges generated by a tesla device to apply intense stimulation
v/l or v/t := Virtual life or virtual time - often used to describe "online life" (e.g. in a Chat) in opposite to r/l (real life)
Wartenburg Pinwheel := A neural response tester consisting of a metal handle with a free-spinning, metal pinwheel attached to one end. The "pins" are very sharp. Wartenburg Pinwheels are used to test neural responses of spinal chord injury patients.
Watersport := A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates on the submissive (see also Safety: Golden Shower / GS)
Waxing, Wax Play := A technique where the Dominant brings hot wax on the submissive's skin (see also Wax Play)
Whip := Usually made of leather with a medium size handle and long braided leather strings.
White Room := Room where medical and clinical games are played. (see also Dark Room)
Wrist cuffs := Restraints designed to fit the wrists.
YKIOK := Abrev: Your Kink Is OK. A philosophy of tolerance in the BDSM community, accepting other people's consensual practices as OK. Conversely if you do something that is not safe or nonconsensual, you may hear YKINOK (your kink is not OK)
