BANNED FROM WAL-MART
>>
>> This is why women should not take men shopping against
>> their will.
>>
>> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
>> her trips
>> To Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found
>> shopping boring and
>> Preferred to get in and get out.
>>
>> Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she
>> loved to
>> Browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following
>> letter from the local
>> Wal-Mart:
>>
>> Dear Mrs.
Oakley,
>>
>> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
>> quite a
>> Commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior
>> and have been
>> Forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints
>> against Mr.
Oakley are listed below and are documented by
>> our video surveillance cameras.
>>
>> 1.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
>> in
>> people's carts when they weren't looking.
>>
>> 2 .
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
>> off at
>> 5-minute intervals.
>>
>> 3.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
>> leading to the
>> women's restroom.
>>
>> 4.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
>> official
>> Voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.
>> '
>>
>> 5.
Augus t 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
>> bag of
>> M&M's on layaway.
>>
>> 6.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
>> a carpeted area.
>>
>>
>> 7.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
>> told other
>> Shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
>> pillows and blankets from
>> The bedding department.
>>
>> 8.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he
>> began
>> Crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just
>> leave me alone?'
>>
>> 9.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
>> used it as
>> A mirror while he picked his nose.
>>
>> 10.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
>> department, he
>> Asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>>
>> 11.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
>> loudly
>> Humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
>>
>> 12.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
>> 'Madonna
>> Look by using different sizes of funnels.
>>
>> 13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
>> browsed
>> Through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>>
>> 14.
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
>> speaker, he
>> Assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
>> THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
>>
>> And last, but not least .
>>
>> 15.
October 23: W ent into a fitting room, shut the door,
>> waited
>> Awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
>> toilet paper in here!'
>>
>>
>> This is too funny NOT to share.
